i wanted to blog last night but i was too tired.
i miss gary ):

after school i went town to look at some gown for an.everywhere filled with kids. they are, kids, to me. nothing but just a bunch of useless kids. irritating. met bf. he sorta got on my nerves again by not replying. i hate him. and he still have the cheek to flare up at me. glare at me, and turnd away. NO. i din get angry. i was being nice and tolerate. he was not giving in. i hat the way he looked at me. tears-provoking shit.
i felt so guilty toward weirong aarona nd xue ren. my bad. implicated them.

bumped into nicholas kw gz with amy in far east. they were laughing, enjoying. for a moment my heart schrinched.pumped a double beat, pause for the next second, then screwed back to normal. im very clear i was just envious. of everyboody. it just reminded me once and again i dont detest amy.i just dont like the fact that i aint her friend anymore. i told bf i want to leave far east. but we din after all.we went up, make a cirle and turn back to level one again. NO. i dowan to look them up. neither i want to go in and say hi. i hate to see amy's turn-away. i want to get my sausage la. buh.
but this time round i bumped into amy straight in my face.i dint relise it at all only when she came so near. i was outta space somewhere in la-la land. thinking. reminiscing. But i see her.like im set to by default. i wave and said a big hi. all so natural. like a norm , like i alway do. she smiled and said nich is in long john.
i miss the way.
she went pass my shoulder.i know i miss the way we used to be in achool at the very start of the sch term. the way when we are friends. she is a nice lady. i always know she is nice. she was very nice when we fist came together. but we just cant make out.we went away.
like two like poles, we repelled.

actually she is nice. tai.




bf says the saausage looks like a dick to him. it gross him out. he refused to eat. i finished it and fell aslp on his shoulder on the bench. i was waiting for my an's call. la-la land, again. after long she called to say don hev to meet her anymore. bf says go home. i was too tired to move. i dowan him to go home with me, though i know i need a shoulder on the journey back. im shagged out. he's no better.and it late d.its raining soon. i asked him to go.
my bag feel so heavy like a thousand bricks.even though bf took away my stats lecture notes. my mind swirled in an empty dimension.i cant feel bf presence beside my anymore. he wasnt. bodies and bodies, strangers flew by me, all in a rush. i was lost. my head spins.my mind swirled. my thoughts tangled. i sniffed. and tears began to flow. i cried standing in the middle of the platform. i don't know what happened. i don't know what was goingon in my mind then. i just feel scared and lost suddenly. and i cried.



last night was the best night.

;i am afraid