cinderellarose

2011-10-05T10:59:00.000-07:00

I met Landon yesterday. We had dinner. I like seeing him, but I just ain't not liking still, how he always reminds me of you. How he always talk about you like I want to know. He always thought I would but he is always wrong. Because I don't. I really rather I do not. 4 years. It's been 4 freaking long years. I've avoided for 4 years. I hope you well. I hope you happy. But please do not let me see it. Let me hide, be it for life. I would.

I can't look at Angie, think about Angie and talk to her in the same sight anymore. Do you know how terrible it feels?

2011-03-20T19:28:00.000-07:00

This is exactly how I had felt for that once when I was in Tuck Lee. Useless. Hopeless. Helpless. Utterly helpless. I feel like I am nothing but just a let down to people who trust me; who had trusted me that I can do this. But I don't screw up big time once and for all you see. I screw up at all the little smaller incidents, and they stack on top of one another, and it just build up. Like a string of math equations with scientific logics, from an atom to a molecule and then it is now, a matter.

I can't take care of myself, and make sure that I don't walk and fall. Let alone take care of somebody else. It's even worse you are nobody but just a colleague. I'm not your nanny. Or rather, to be specific, I'm actually the youngest here in this office, just because I take care of operation, it in no sense implies that I take care of you too, sweethearts.
I just can't stop feeling inadequate. I am feeling so lousy. I ain't cut out for this.

I am the best person you can easily swish swosh swing your fault and blame to.

You took your suitcase, and I took the blame.

I am not a person who will explain myself when maligned, unless you mean a hell lot like a loved ones. I don't believe in explaining when you never intend to believe me. If you would, you'd never even accuse blindly or make me take that rake. I thought if i'm nice unlimitedly, I'd be loved and less misunderstood. But sometimes I don't know where to stand.

You know what? I'm actually very very afraid of all of you. I quit believing that you ppl will believe in me.

I had an interestingly incredible magical past week, and a weekend. My emotions were put to it's best test. I got the best awesome encounter, then a disappointment, followed closely by a surge of mixed feelings, then came another tsunami of heartfelt love and then a kick start to a brand new week with the lowest low.

" you had this amazing force that keep attracting people towards you. You make people want to be with you."

" You are glowing. Your happiness amaze me. I can't help but to look at you, and go on looking at you. Your gleam is contagious. I caught it and I'm now drawn to you.'

Seriouslly, are you trying to punish me lord? had I made it so easy for people to walk in and out of my life? Or are you showing me that there are exactly people out there who see me and and princess in me. who is gonna love me just because in their eyes I'm special. So I can now gracefully let go of this anchor that pulling me down. I can forget about people who is letting me down?

So what now. I dance in the rain? and just go on praying I meet one after another everyday, or wait for one that stay? 'cos none of these people is gonna make it a long long stay. They arent gonna make stay for me. They go away. They come once and then leave. then nv come back. You get me?

I am but a princess inside, waiting and needing for a prince to come save me. I am a big girl now. but I am but a child inside. dying to be loved and protected. I need to know in bad times like this I have a man whom I can always run to. I can cry and wail at, or punch and kick at. I can let it out like an explosion after a quake. But after it all, he will always hold me close and say "hey honey, its over now. Look. I'm here. you are beautiful and nothing harms you. I'm gonna taking it down, okay." I need him. Yes I need.
I don't want to be independent. I don't want to learn how to survive. I just need a person who I can rely, and like my gfs, who will always have my back.

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale. It isn't hollywood; this is a small town.

I'm feeling the blues overdose, and happiness on ecstacy; high and no more then again in an evil cycle. I am not getting all emotional over nothing. i'm just having a bad times inside. A big big fight and struggle I had to find an avenue to share it away, in hope I can lighten my load.

I followed the voice you think you gave to me, but now I'm gonna find my own.
I'm wishing you hope and happiness. and above all these, I'm wishing you love. And I'll a;ways love you, Bronda.

2011-03-18T02:00:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you still read this. I just had the urge to say, that I still think of you.
And I think I have this urge everyday.

2010-08-31T12:37:00.000-07:00

OMFG. it was so so too damn long when i was last here. I remembered I cant log in at all last year. it got me so freaking mad. Then eventually after a month or so of trying I gave up in despair. I left my blogspot untouched ever since.

It was a really hard decision back then. I never ever entertained the thought of deleting it. IT HAS TOO MUCH MEMORIES as I grow up all these years. I don't like the idea of abandoning it. But I cant log in ! so no choice.

its 0341 in the morning. 1st Sept 10. I was just randomly-nothing-to-do-outta-the-blue thing just miss my blogspot and i entered the site. then i said ' why not just try?' At that moment, I sompa i was telling myself its a wasted try though I know, because I totally have forgotten the log in details, and I just tried any that came to my mind. LOL AND HOLA! I'm in. Mad or what HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

I really am shocked. Relieved too. I miss you, MAN, cinderellaroses.

Hanhan said things happened for a reason. Not gonna explain how it's relating to this now, lol.

THINGS HAPPENED FOR A REASON.

One year passed and gone, ain't sounding long but neither is it actually any short too. I think I've grown up a little bit more and changed. Not the best kid in town still though, or the perfect girl next door. But I really think I'm changing and comparatively, I've grown a little bit more sensible I guess. HA.

Facebook still as dead, pictures album still as thin, friends as little, though. But WHO CARES. hahahah. I know and I'm very clear who I love in my life and who I need. Maybe the best thing I've learned over the year, is knowing myself.

when An replied saying ' Ooh. I love shopaholic sister.' I swear I really want to cry. But I really thought It's sucha soap opera and I gonna be damn embarrassed if she ever know about it. Ha.

I always think about people. People who came and left taking a part of me with them. A big part or a small part. People who make me come thus far. These people whom I miss, I've always been missing them, always remembering. And many a times, I just so wanted to tell you 'I remember you. Never forgotten.'

Brenda is a Big Girl now.

2009-05-31T02:18:00.000-07:00

I am leading a very dry and monotonous life, non promising and not at all fulfilling, and not to mention the zero achievement. The best word you can ever use to describe it will nonetheless still be an understatement.
Am I exaggerating? No, I'm not.
If you think I'm for god sake having that awesome a life, that I'm so immensed in glorious moments throughout the day, then you are for goddess sake all wrong. BIG SIGH. I shall not deny the occurance of certain insane incidents, BUT, many are literally just I-N-S-A-N-E. I think I really have got nothing much to do I end up doing stuffs I can't very much asociate with. -.- That's why I bumped into so many familiar faces I thought I could have if not considered forgotten.
That's right, clubs. I've been showing up in club scenes, like amost every week, ever since april.

BUT OH C'ON. I CAN'T DANCE TO SAVE MY LIFE.
Yeah. So more often than not, I'd be just standing or sitting aroud with many good drinks, and of course good company. Then it brings me to my secondary point, none of this parties weren't fun. They were a blast! To name a good few, your highness birthday in Phuture, party with terr, Junhua and his comrades in Phuture, Junhua birthday in St James and definitely, Zirca and Rebel rackie-ing with Lun. Others are more St james parties, phuture parties and butter factory with the good 'ld fantabulous companies.
Everything in 2 months. -.-
Each and everyone of them were so so loved.

But then again, parties infested lifes can be pretty dry too. I WANT A MORE FULFILLING LIFE.

Special mention: LUN. just dance!
Angela. loves.
Geok. Double loves.
Blair. Oh this cutie, double double loves!

2009-05-04T11:43:00.000-07:00

April came and passed.
Happy month, it is. But then again, not quite so.

Yeye,
Its been one year since you are gone. Everybody in the house misses you. We are all doing fine, not to worry. One year felt so short; it swept by. I always hear your voice inside my head, when things go bad.
My birthday was a blast, yet a little solemn. We never forget you. I hope you love the cake. Wei's birthday is just around the corner. I don't know how are we going to make it best. Join us at the table, won't you? Then its all perfect. (:

I love you yeye. We all do.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY. (:

All in all, I think I had a good birthday. I fell in love with everybody that had made it happened.
All the tears are worth shed, just for each and everyone of you.

BIG HUGS.
<3

2009-04-27T10:52:00.000-07:00

EH HELO HELLO!

MR BLAIR

SCRAM HOR SCRAM.

DON'T STALK ME. GO TO YOUR ZOOLONG LA.

HEH.

2009-04-23T12:27:00.000-07:00

I FUCKING DON'T LIKE THIS. FUCK. WHAT'S THE NEED OF FUCKING POLICE IF APOLOGY IS SO FUCK DIVINE IT UNDO ALL SHIT. FUCKTARD. I JUST FUCKING CALLED MYSELF A FUCK FACE. YES. THATS A FUCK FACE.

FUCK YOU,

SCREW YOU,

BRENDA.

2009-04-19T00:32:00.000-07:00

Dearest goegeous Brenda,

You re so loved ( At least by myself, lol).

2009-04-18T00:43:00.000-07:00

Dear diary,
...'

2009-04-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

SO MUCH FOR A 20th BIRTHDAY DARLING.

I'M SO ROBBED!

Robbed of my liz claiborne wallet, IC, student pass, daddy's ez link, VIP and members cards and mastercard. And oh yes, you know what, my most most precious of all; my gorgeous piture that totally substitute an amulet that warn off all evil for me.

Chioest amulet for you.

Thank you moron, whoever you are to take my wallet and vanished.

You yearn for a Liz clairborne? You want to be Isetan's member, so you can go for all their big big private sale? You want moolahs? Or is it that prestigious amulet that you are after? FINE WITH ME. take them all. But can't you just for your arse sake fucking return my Ic and student pass back to me? What the hell is wrong with you?

PUI.

Well. I'm no longer a student, that I know. So it doesn't realy matters if I'm carrying a student pass, nor do i nee dto remake one, you may say. But that's not my point. It's the fact that the picture on that pass is FAR TO HIDEOUS. WAY FAR TOO HIDEOUS EVEN FOR A STRANGER.

Oh crap.

On another note, I escaped death by a hell close shave in the evening just now.

Listen you pea-brained, be happy I'm not dead; if not I'll make I hunt and huant you down, strip you and snap you nude shots. May they be the nation's amulet.

I know I'm mean. I'm remorseful. But still I have to vent.

2009-01-14T13:07:00.000-08:00

As much as I didn't want to have something new and replace the current first-in-the-list post. I decided I shall, for something I deem real important.

I have so much of apologies, so much of misses they are totally engulfing me.

girl, I'll meet you real soon.

2008-10-20T11:47:00.000-07:00

Many many changes recently, I thought I see a wrong one in the mirror. bad, yes it is, bad.

Dear Geok,

I know you must be angry. I know you are mad. I'm so so so sorry over my negligence this afternoon. I really didn't mean it. I went to go prepared to see you. I'm really sorry.

): miss you so.

Dear Pretty,

You'r finally back. welcome home, boy. Though you are still busy for me right now I guess, but it is nice you are back here in Singapore. It's been 3 long weeks without you. I suppose you were having fun, aren't you? :D You've been so missed too.

Dear xxx,

You'r most missed. Are you coming home tonight?

Now I know, I'm not okay, when you are not here to stay.

2008-10-16T04:39:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday Dennis Chew chin hwee.

Welcome back Dennis Huang.

2008-10-07T05:05:00.000-07:00

TODAY IS A HAPPY DAY!

I want to tell the world, I love Mr Phan Ching Chong and Mr Martin Hang. I think Phan looks good when he smiles, he changes my mood. and Martin is utterly charmingly corny, he keeps my mind calm. OMG OMG I can freaking see both of them in my head right now.

Next.

I love DAMIEN ALICE. she's my man!

I love this sunflower ( though it seems a little distorted and photoshoped, HA) and I love Landon because he never forget that I love them.

.............................................................................................................................................................

Certain things can't be changed. there's nothing to hide nor lie. I do not want to. (: It may feels ugly this way. like just another game I used to play. But you know, I feel happier.

I know I can now do without you, today.

2008-09-27T07:29:00.000-07:00

It's time to pack up I guess.

I took down two necklaces, one bracelet, one leather key chain, one leather pouch and one singlet my mickey wear to sleep with me at night. I kissed goodbye and all packed in a box, ready to go.

I think I had enough, of this mess.

Good bye.

2008-09-23T05:08:00.000-07:00

Everybody looks happy. Or is it just me? Things are getting very much different in here. Certain changes, like combustion, are irreversible. Try as you may, there is just nothing you can do to bring things back to it's original self. Pretending silly is just lying to oneself it can be erased. It may have died down, the sorrow may no long grief for the rise of this torrent, but the soul will never be calmed till you bend forward, dress down that ego and cajoule the shattered trust. Ignoring and pretending will not resolve anything or turn anything better. somehow, certain time, one just can't grasp this.

' You have to take chances for the things you cared for'

I believed I've done my best.

..........................................................................................................................................................................

I have a friend. There's always been something special in between. No, not what you are thinking. we've never really been there, but no matter how far we went, when we get back, there's never a gap.

Maybe, in a way, I see this man grow. ha. We were never in love, but we always love us. Tomorrow, this man is going to leave on a 8am flight, and I really am going to miss him back here.

we both love this; a failure in attempt to do a jump shot. Jasper is good at it, but he was having a bad partner then.

KUA KUA KUA.

I'm really going to miss this man who is more than a head taller than me, but so endearing to me.

' It's really sad to see you leaving jasper, good luck, and take care of yourself. do remember to come back. I'm waiting. HA. Bon Voyage.

loves.'

P/s: we went to Admiral grill bar for dinner, u a hill, in a club. I love that place.

P/p/s: and that lady in black is Sam's sister, Rebekah.

2008-09-17T02:38:00.000-07:00

I'm running. I don't know where to run to. I just ran.

I'm crying. I don't know at what time these tears will stop. I just cried.

I'm hiding. I don't know where to hide. I just hid.

I want to hide. You let me run. You may find me in the open eventually, because I've lost my direction.

Being awake is pain. and thus I ran.

明明不开心还是哄你因为我在乎.

2008-09-08T00:55:00.000-07:00

Too many picture to show. and too many things to convey. As a result, nothing to put across due to laziness at the thought of many man things. HA.

First there is the part-teying with Huiyun Ji Hui and Trudy. Maybe it's just me. I don't get it why do they have to spend such a freaking long time to doll up; putting so many thing onto that small circumference. To me, it's simple. Nothing different from the usual i do just to go shopping. Being attractive and to attract is not at all my purpose. So, it doesn't bothers me at all. (:

To think we are VERY early when I first meet Hui yun up and we totally think that we do have a lot of time. We were so proven wrong when we eventually left yun's place to fetch a cab around 1130 or somewhere slightly later than that. From my previous few experience, I'd have been in there by then. LOL.

Zouk is nothing exactly impressive to me; not that good a music and gets a little bored. Good thing though I met pretty there. Then there's James and all, somehow makes the night a little more entertaining.

That's my girl. You've got big boobs, yun. ((:

Yes I did had make up on. very plain, I know. I like it this way. HOOHO.

Ah huh. trudy trudy.

I freaking miss my long hair. ( Drag that 'air' sound)

But still. I wasn't very that happy exactly. ):

When I got off the cab, I knew I didn't want to go home. When wanting to call Angela, I saw her coming from the car park. Grabbed her arm and cried on her shoulder.

And we walked. 6 in the morning. <3

Then then then, we've got moon's 13th birthday bbq in east coast. AHHAAA. This one is fun. (:

First I met dear then went Eunos to meet wei. Lastly we've got xin with us, and we waited for dear's dad to pick us up.

Dear's moo was there earlier with moon to oversea the domestic chores. But moon was damn cute. she didn't ant moo ard because she thinks that'll obstruct her fun. HA. She's still a child.

We met Marcus, moon's classmate, and he's super adorable. I'm like so in love with him can. LOLOL. Upon arrival, We cook up some lie about being a total strangers to everybody present, and were there to eat because we were hungry. Marcus took our words for real an got so impressed. DAMN CUTE LA.

Xin takes really good pictures. I love her to the core. LOVES.

Me, dear and Xin.

Somehow I like this happy picture. <3

That's my xiao wei. (:

MARCUS!

Moon was being smeared with creams. But let me tell you, HER FRIENDS ARE FREAKING GENTLE IN DOING THAT. LOL.

Everything made so heaven by Xin.

XIN, THE GREAT GREAT PHOTOGRAPHER.

<<3

e took almost half an hour or so to take a decent group photo, and yes, this is a cranked one. HA. But dear, we love you for that. HA.

Dancing in the car, having fun.

Moon, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. and we so LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU!

Some pictures with dear in OCC.

First we went Raffles City to get her year book.

Swissotel has nice ligghtings in teh washroom. HA.

Oh and OCC changed their shuttle bus. LOL. Other than looking newer, I think it's all the same. UHG.

We love the food in the pool place in OCC. The fried rice is niceeee. (:

new hair

loves.

2008-08-30T16:05:00.000-07:00

其实我并不开心

),=

2008-08-28T00:48:00.000-07:00

I Totally feel it's a happy day. As much as I feel useless that day. PUI.

I can't believe it i woke up so early that day. Maybe it's because it's a family thing, with An and Wei, and Daddy Mummy.

By 8 odd, We'r on different cars departing for Msia. Nothing very interesting actually, just to visit my paternal grandfather. Heard he's ill and currently in a nursing home in Msia. I don't quite trust that, with that kind of uncles I have, who even cheat his own brother's money.

I guess it's more of a old folk's home instead.

PUI.

Well, I ain't at al that close with my paternal grandfather too. Since young, I live with my maternal grandparents. Paternal grandparents ( esp. my granpdad), they feel kind of distant to me. On top of that, I have pretty mean and evil paternal uncles and aunts who cheat. EW. It doesn't help at all that I am not a bit close with them.

But well, one thing I must pin point though. I do like uncle Bao. He's my fav and the one and only I'll take the kinship for. He's the best and we are the closest. Thus, this day, I sat in his car too.

I DIE DIE ALSO WOULD NOT AND NEVER SIT IN THOSE RATS' CAR. PUI PUI PUI.

OKAY.

So that's the gist of it. Wei and me sat in Bao's car with daddy. Moo and An in some rat's car.

Some exciting things,

1. I realised the customs has many smart policemen. Well, it's just their uniform I like. But still it makes them look smart and that, to me is charming. (:

2. All of us, Wei, An and me have super ugly and old pictures in our passports that we couldn't be recognised. HA.

when the officer s trying to identify Wei, he got out of his cubicle, and literally walked all the way to her window. Then he requested for the screen to come down, and he lean forward to take a super close look. HAHAHHAHHA.

3. An was mistook for a child. ( child = <12)

All of us had to do this thumb print security check thing, where we have to place our thumb on this gadget that reads our thumbprint.

In the other car, An was excitedly asking for her turn after everybody, and was dejected with a cool ' NO. kids don't have to do this.'

HHAAHHAHAHAHAHHA.

She is stomping mad.

Alright. Pictures. w/o An, because she ain't with us.

I love Wei like so much <3<3

Well, basically we lost our way there in Msia. It's crap messy in there. No offence, but thats how I feel. I cant drive to save my life!

We had breakfast in some coffee shop. I was a little relieved they eventually ate there as compared to those we went passed and had almost stopped for food. Both are ridiculous but at least the latter is a wee it better.

DIM SUM and some pretty good noodles.

.....................................................................................................................

This is some time ago. candid by Beatrice Ng. McDs in East Coast in the middle of the night.

cheated off parking.

pui.

P/s: landonsngyihua, don't any interpret my blog post huh. LOL. Don't make me sound like fa hua chi. Basically the first part are crap.

this part is the truth.

I love macadamia nut

I love uniform because it makes you heaven

I love commandos

It was perfect, because I had it watched it finished it with you.

p/p/s: I really really love commandos in their red beret. HAHAHAH.

2008-08-24T10:45:00.000-07:00

If I dreamt that you kissed me, will I see you the next morning? If I miss you tonight, will you feel it and stay on till bright? You don't know, but I miss you so much. You wouldn't know, that I miss you most. Who are you thinking about, when life quietens down? Do you think of me, when I wasn't around? Have we taken likings, or getting used to this life? This is too much to put down and I couldn't leave you and go around. Are we getting non-platonic? We can be bff, because I want you around. What if we love now, and you leave me at dawn? I guess I left too much in you, friend, you are my life now.

Do you still read this and ponder about what I say. Even if I ask you, would you admit if you do?

I love macadamia nut

I love uniform because it makes you heaven

I love commandos

It was perfect, because I had it watched it finished it with you.

2008-08-17T00:11:00.000-07:00

PMS TODAY.

I hate being forced into doing something that I'm not keen on, and totally had no intention of doing. Moire when I feel there's no such need and not the right time. I am not hesitating I just don't want to rush. I DON'T WANT TO RUSH THING GET IT? I'VE STATE MY REASON AND STAND. I DON'T WNAT TO GO ON REPEATING IT AGIAN AND AGAIN. IF YOU STILL NSIST ON OTHER WISE AND NOT GET ME, SUIT YOU. BUT DON'T COME BUGGING ME.

Merely a month, nowhere forever. Stop making decision for me without discussing with me or hearing what I have to say. Once is enough. Twice and again is a nuisance.

I hate parent interfering mine or ours decision on anything. yours or mine. ESPECIALLY YOUR PARENTS, ON MINE.

I want to have a say. respect my thoughts and stand. I feel uncomfortable and period. say no more. Don't impose an obligation onto me against my will.

I can give in to you. Keep on giving. But please know it cannot go on forever. One day I'll get tired of it, and I will no longer want to do so for you, and do noting at all. Please don't take me for granted.

There's so much to say.

This is too risky. Let me go my way.

2008-08-12T09:20:00.000-07:00

I don't know. But it gets on my nerves.

I seriously think its a waste of time and pointless to do so.If your time ain't for me, then forget, just let it be not. Stay where you are. If your definition of meeting me, spending time with me is the less then 10 minutes walk to Mac and back in, then DON'T BOTHER. I think I have more than enough friends round woodlands to accompany me. Don't repeatedly ask me the same question 4 5 times and behave like you are pressing for time. So busy you are, then just go. don't fucking make me happy then make me feel like idiot for just spending that 10mins.

YES I'M ANGRY. and I'm angry because I missed you too much for a few minutes walk, to and fro.

elwee and a kuchee each.

2008-08-05T23:41:00.000-07:00

Girlfriends have been busy. So so busy. You wonder where they have been. Then come to think of it agin. well, I still get to catch them up once in a short while recently. It's been happy days in general I take to believe. HA. meeting Adriana, Geok ( all the time. HA.) and ft too.

Been seeing much more of Ft recently and mostly, we party-ed, basically. Dance floor ain't for me, so I just sit and watch her dance. I drink. All the times, I met interesting people. Nick was cute. I thought. Pamela was interesting but loud in the wrong way. Not exactly eloquent too. At least she turned Vin and Lun off. UHG.

Shopping and then WG's event.

No. I'm not in WG, ft is. she just had me joined in the party. This is where I met Vin (:

Leon's birthday.

where i met Nick. (:

OK. 1 for you. that's Ft beside me. No I didnt cropped her off and did a bad job, it just happened she was there in the shot. HA.

I guess This monday had been most fun. Because everybody got high. It wasn't planned to be a party night, the event wasn't even meant for us. Among us only vivien is in that thing. BUt all of us got asked down.

Very light make up, to almost none, by the time we had this picture.

and,

Havaianas slippers.

But it was fun. Of course Vivien did some persuasion with the door bitch to get us both in. not too much o a chore though.

Fun, is

Partying with new people , for me.

Partying without bf , AHHA, thats for FT.

2008-08-02T22:05:00.000-07:00

SO SO SO FINALLY I got to catch Adri up. DOn't remind it was freaking short a catching up though. =/

But still. It has been a whole lot of fun and craziness. Okay well. Our venue was so wrong though; after soup spoon we find totally nothing to do. Idled to Bugis street eventually though but still nothing much. uhg. OTHER THAN GETTING A SHOCK OF OUR LIFE HOW DRTY CHEAP THE CLOTHES THERE CAN GET. really. it's crazy. And it seems like every stalls are offering basically the same line of merchandises, calling the price. Cheap. DIRTY CHEAP.

Okay Okay, maybe not like this dirty to some, but that's what we thoughts right then. Adri got herself a dress, I got nothing though. Not a shopping-mood-kinda-day thing. =/

Oh then we decided to sit in somewhere fir a drink before she go, and ended up in a HK cafe up on level 2.

HK CAFE. NOT THE ENGLISH ONE MEH?

eww. I don't like the HK cafe. ): I didn't know it changed. I like the previous one. we had their drinks and totally turned off. Lao niang can't imagine the food. -roll eyes.

Anyway that's where all our pictures are taken in. Lighting was nice though, shall balance out with our cognitive dissonance thing with the cafe. (:

p/s: I met Dennis again when I was there, sitting in soup spoon. He didn't look, still.

youdon;tknowhowmuchimissyou,dennis.

p/p/s: I love the pictures. even though Adri made me looked like a mouse/hamster/chipmunk or whatever along that line in one of it.

Yes, it's okay. Go on, just laugh. It's funny. HA.

LOVES.

2008-07-31T06:39:00.000-07:00

People are dying like it's free. So many of you died.
You don't know how it feels like, to see your loved one died, but you can do nothing but watch. Cry, yes we are all crying. everybody is, and then what else? A minute ago it was just fine. a second ago it has been. You don't know how it feel to stand in between of split seconds separating life and death. Like in a third dimension, It was an awful blank.

2008-07-28T08:50:00.000-07:00

I fucking don't like people sharing my information, my life, my encounters, my personal matters whatever yo call it, behind my back. be it to whoever. Especially when when there not the least need. FUCK YOU. Do you know what is privacy. or respect. how about I talk behind you, about you? Doesn't your schools teach?

Irritatingly irritating me, irritants.

LAO NIANG IS FUCKING DULAN NOW, AND I SOMPA I'M SINCERELY URGING BOTH OF YOU TO STOP BEING BRAINLESS AND ANNOYING. Before I decide to ignore both of you completely (which is what I'm already doing, I know. lets just say, also blocking you till I shuang on everywhere.)

YOU FUCKING DON'T IRRITATE ME. I AM FUCKING GIVING YOU(both) CHANCE.

2008-07-25T11:41:00.000-07:00

ah ha. and so I got you there.

played with a player hadn't you. weakling.

and you. stop putting up a strong front, and make me sound so disgusting. you are disgusting me.

and you, and you. I'm giving up on you.

I think I'm happy now. ahahahahahahahah.

crap.

2008-07-11T10:41:00.001-07:00

Tell me who can I run to, for a shoulder, for a hug, when things go wrong. Tell me what is it like, to be there.

2008-07-04T04:46:00.000-07:00

勇敢的燕子啊, 把我心愿告诉他.

说我还站在天桥下,

等着他,

回到我的身傍.

想给他一束花, 一句话,

一刻真的心不假.

把我的脸埋在你胸膛,

对着你许下愿望.

有你的爱就有了天堂,

所有幸福快乐, 都能圆畅.

2008-07-02T22:38:00.000-07:00

I don't need another sentence, another word to depict how miserable and torn I feel.
He and she, they are haunting me, but have you ever wonder, how haunted and fearful I feel.

adults lied when they say tears touches life.
adults lied when they say tears will dry up after I cry.
when did we get so dry. when did it get so hard. when did a call become such a heart wrenching moment where silence pierce through my every pores mercilessly. when did the tears start rolling to hear you breathe?
I need to you to believe me.because I'm not going to give in to a moment of pain.

' what she feels about the problem is actually more important to her than the problem itself. The problem is not a problem; the feeling is the problem. You need to learn to filter out the problem to focus on her feelings. Only after you have acknowledged her feelings will she want to focus on working on a solution.'
- "For men only" by Jeff & Shaunti Feldhahn

I'm not hesitating I just don't wanna rush
You can be anywhere you wanna
But you decided to be here wit me
No coincidence it was meant to be
I'd mess it if I mess around if I let you get in

2008-06-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

回忆过去, 痛苦的相思忘不了.

为何你还来拨动我心跳.

爱你怎么能了.

今夜的你应该明了,

缘难了, 情难了.

I don't want to wait anymore. I don't want to just keep waiting thinking and expecting all alone but nothing ever materialise. It feels a total no-good. why do I peep and why do I wait. don;y keep me waiting , I may just go.

2008-06-24T04:14:00.000-07:00

LOVES

family
brothers
girlfriends
friends
gyming
mahjong-ing
peace

hello hello. you missed out 'gorgeous', but added an 's'

I'm super bored and super disappointed. Kelvin told me to wait toll Saturday then I shall. But it's so so so long. =/ Singtel, you better come up with some good promotion for arku. Lao niang am very pekcek with M1. I'm pinning my hopes on you. =/ Anyway, I came across this really interesting phone while in Singtel. It's so tiny wheeny and sleek. BUT, only a 1mp camera. It's focus is the music. BUT IT'S REALLY ADORABLE.

W530i

To me, it's adorable.

Fern call just now and woke me, saying we gonna do the interview on Saturday, 2pm. company and manager yet to know. LOL. @#$%^&*()_. No. I'm not scolding fern, and no body. its just, ' what is this?' kinda thing. Then Irskine texted just now and added the venue. ALJUNIED baby.

kuakuakua.

Saturday I'm really busy can. but well. i gonna squeeze some time for that. buh.

On another note, I'M MISSING GORDON A HELL LOT. I was so hoping to see him today at the ritual, but he wasn't there. I expected much. Because school started and he's has to go school. But till, VERY DISAPPOINTED.=/

I really hope I don't have to wait till jing cha gugu's wedding to see him. uhhh.

gordon gordon.

Yeye. I really miss you oh-so much. Can you tell me where are you now? Or can I send you a letter or something? I don't want to cry anymore. Because they keep scaring me, that if I cry, you'll see, and you'll be sad. You hadn't miss out any fun. Because there isn't any without you around. It's been 49 days and I'm fully convinced, that it's not at all a dream. You left and that is it. Gordon asked me, ' brenda jie jie, why did you cry?' I didn't know how to tell him, tell him it feels like you'r no longer mine. )_:

I cry I cry and I cry and I cry. Adults lied, when they say tears touches life.

)))))))))))))))))))))))_:

I need a shoulder and I need a thousand hugs. Maybe some uhu glue too to piece my heart.

boy, I love you so.

2008-06-21T20:40:00.000-07:00

we were in one car, feeling equally lost. then we were in one room. we wore the same tee. we slept on the same bed. we shared one pillow.

OMG. SO SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.

I think I've spent a very romantic night.

Sometimes, We just need to feel right about some thing. You don't need to another to consent you. Its not important because it isn't them at all. It's you yourself. We kept mum because we know, we ask because we care. but it's okay, you don't have to say. we ( I) can read you and just want you to be good. There's no right and wrong in what you feel. when it comes to matter of the heart, it's okay, just leave out the brain for one day.

Enjoy this feeling rather than make it feel so bad. soon it'll go away. <3

before i could know. i was bleeding onto my palm. there are just something thati couldn't make a sound. if i ask you to eave me now, can you forget me, and then turn around? the more i fnd myself falling in lovewith you, the more insecure i feel. i don't know what i'm fearing, maybe, that you'll be leaving. i can't go closer, i was blocked somehow, bt i've fell in love, and i can't turn back now.

2008-06-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold says:
i damn siannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold says:
helppppppppppppp
bi bi ba bi boo says:
you helppp me laaa
I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold says:
cannot
I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold says:
i cb cramp
bi bi ba bi boo says:
hahahah
I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold says:
i even cannot help myself
I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold says:
pathetic
bi bi ba bi boo says:
i can copy paste and post on blog nott
?
bi bi ba bi boo says:
hahhahahah
bi bi ba bi boo says:
use hot water
bi bi ba bi boo says:
le down
I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold says:
cannot!
I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold says:
HAHAHA
I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold says:
okok can
I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold says:
my msn nick not many pp know
I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold says:
HAHAHA
bi bi ba bi boo says:
you funny la
bi bi ba bi boo says:
like give birth
I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold says:
dont put my name hor i warn you
I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold says:
shhh

I promise to love you forever, and ever.
If you are my baby.

2008-06-10T11:37:00.000-07:00

I wonder, who actually read this blog.

I wonder, if you still read this blog.

recently i've met people who really don't know where they stand. RUBBISH.

not a player, can't play, HELLO, then don't.

2008-05-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

Hello yeye. Its been 2 weeks you were gone. I've been trying to talk to you you know? could you hear me from where you are? I believe it's been good up there. have you tried looking down and try to spot our little flat from that big mess? I would love a bird's eye view too. But daddy says I still have long to go ):

Yeye. recently I've been very sick. I kept crying in my bedroom because I miss you a hell lot. I was so sick I was bedridden for about 3 days. I was thinking if you were here to take me away, I would want to see you again. I miss you, you know?

Ah ma misses you doubly hard. She couldn't sleep alone now. when I was sick on the bed, she came over once to see me. She sat beside me asking if I was okay, just like she were with you on your bed. I thought I saw you too in my semi conscious. I knew you would have done the same if you had been around. you would buy my swensen ice cream in cone for me. You would stuffs 20$ into my had and say ' buy yourself good stuffs when you recover.'

Because this rave of illness, I couldn't eat. I guess it was good too. At least it give me lesser heartache when I talk to you every time I eat. I was so afraid you couldn't enjoy these food you like anymore ):

Just 2 weeks back I was feeding you, remember?

Are you having good food now? could you eat your favourite chocolate? or that ice cream we used to share? Do you get char kway tiao with many many cockles? Have you made new friends? or met any old ones? Or friendly neighbours? Do send me dreams to tell me stories of your new life now. I'd love to hear.

We just had our birthdays together, and you left me for heaven. I was really sad, thinking I wasn't comparable to heaven thats why you left so soon. Have you seen the pictures we took on our birthdays? they were beautiful. We wanted to send you some, so you could hang some on your wall. But were told its a taboo to send photos there. )): Its a shame. You could have shown it to your old and new friends your beautiful grandchildren, they would be envious.

Wei was totally grievous you left on her birthday. She thought she jinxed you. She cried real bad. She's still too young for such. I guess she envious me most now, because I got spend my birthday with you. Hers is just 2 3weeks after us? Why didn't you wait?

Well, at least you did spent a few hours of her birthday with her, even though you were unconscious.

Yeye, you left too soon.

I miss having Swensen ice cream now. Do you still remember what I like? cookies and cream. You never forgotten but you still choose to ask always. I feel I've been a failure to have devoted to Haagen daz for so long. No more Haagen daz boyfriend now. So every now and then, I'd get some Swensen and share with you. Chocolate shall do, don't it?

Ever since you were gone, everybody has been saying you've been fortunate to have us. But it has been a turmoil to know it best we haven't been the best that you could have got. I haven't. I haven't graduated for you to see.

The worst thing I have committed is not learning teochew so I could talk to you more. It have been a hard time for you to catch up with my horrendous teochew mixed with lots of mandarin. But you always tells me I'm good.

If only I could get this whole chunk translated into teochew, I would learn them, and bring the script to the columbarium and read to you.

I said a prayer to the king in heaven just now, to sprinkle some magical dusts and let you read this in teochew.

Yeye. Don't have to be worry for any of us. I've good friends with. and even though sick to the core, I'm still looking pretty (:

just a little pale.

Yeye. All of us miss you. I'd try my best to learn some teochew so I can talk to you all the time. I just love talking to you, though it got me all teared up that hour each time.

Yeye. I think I'm a pretty Teochew, just like you.

2008-05-20T00:48:00.000-07:00

6th day.

I very much believe the fever subsided. IT SHOULD HAVE. Very clever of you to suggest the use of thermometer for accuracy. But as expected I do not own one. But i always think I do you know. But I couldn't find. Crap.

People are scaring me with the possibilities of Dengue fever. NO please. Couldn't be.

DON'T

THINK

SO loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh.

I checked myself. there's no mosquito bites. HA.

and I'm pretty certain the fever have more or less subsided a little, because I ain't experiencing the headache as much now. though once in a while I still feel the ache. ( Like right now. is it because I'm facing a computer?????)

5th day,

yesterday I braved to Isetan for work knowing best my condition is totally not in for anything other than sleeping over doses and dose of medicine at home. But you see, It's like, I DON;T DARE TO CALL IN AND CANCEL WORK AGAIN.

It seems like i've cancel out too much ever since yeye left us. and over this illness i've canceled out Saturday d. My MC is also only for Fri and Sat. PLUS PLUS PLUS, with the kind of colleagues I have, its just so, you know you know.

Anyway. Only Kenneth seems to understand this. and dear.

OH ANW.

DEAR CAME DOWN TO ISETAN LAST NIGHT TO FETCH ME HOME.

I'm fucking touched.

Love you dear. owww.

<<<<<3

On another note, I woke up today feeling slight bit better. I managed swallowed a fishball! I am so super happy.

not to mention the headache now as I'm typing this.

2008-05-16T23:29:00.000-07:00

Updated.

1429. KNN I'M FUCKING HELL RUNNIG A FEVER AND MY HEAD FEELS LIKE ITS SPINNING ON A MERRY-GO-ROUND.

I'm totally in a bad mood. this is the 3rd day.

Thursday

Started feeling giddy with a bad headache in Icc lecture. ended early and decided to come home to rest before going for work. Died on my bed and not able to get up by 430. speculating I'm running a fever.

texted ivy but to no response, I braved to Isetan. I almost fainted right there on the train. My head was burning but I'm freezing on the train. My head was fucking heavy and I feel like my brain moved as I moved my head. Its fucking heavy. my eyes lid feels like they are on fire. I was forcing it open.

I'm running a temperature.

upon reaching then did i know they are having private sale, I didnt know. Damn. there is no chance i can cancel my work so i just went in without telling them I'm running on fever. Anw its not like they are gonna let me home.

My brain was freaking empty, its burning and i worked for private sales. yet, they keep throwing tantrum at me because they don't want to get the blame from stupid customers.

texted Wei after everything ended and said I'm running a fever, told her to tell moo, and that I ain't going to school the next day, plus to get somebody to come fetch me at the lobby. Obviously, she didnt. and replied. everybody slept.

Friday

Missed school because I totally cant get out of bed. the fever kept me sleeping till noon and when i finally got up, and went to polyclinic. its closed. how do I know. Upon reaching home, Moo raised her voice at me for not going to school; not at all bothered I'm running a fever. Obviously wei didn't pass the message. and nobody bother to find out.

Today.

Fever is not going down at all. for the whole morning till noon, I just sink in and out of consciousness. Everybody is damn fucking good. they dump me alone at home not at all concerned I'm running a fever. Nobody even bother to prepared any food so that i could have them when I wake up to take my medicine. and An got the cheek to ask me if I'm joining them for a feast in Suntec. FUCK YOU. I don't even have a piece of plain bread right now. And they got the cheek to ask ah ma and call me, no. i should say lecture me. that i ain't there. and that I'm freaking hell just damn lazy to go get myself some food. FUCK YOU. If you people think fever is so nice to get and you still can walk around like normal. go get one and try yourself.

I texted siewleng to say I'm running a fever and i cant work for today. MIND YOU. I'M ON DUTY FOR MIDNIGHT SALES TODAY.

and she freaking hell tell me to go at 6 after I rested. and I have to call jenny in Paragon myself. What did I get?

A very loud ' HUHHHHHHHHHHHH' and damn bu shuangly ' okay lo'

WTF.

Im freaking angry and bad mood and dulan I'm crying on my bed with my fever still burning. Too many things I'm not going in details.

~~I TMD FEEL LIKE I'VE GOT NO FAMILY AT ALL.~~

okay. everythng is over.

BUT THE FEVER IS STILL TAKING ITS TOLL ON ME,

I shall take back my words, I think my family are still good after all. =/

2008-04-30T02:57:00.000-07:00

I feel like I ran a marathon today. Somehow I feel worn out.

I rushed to sch not knowing the NE lecture starts at 2, not 3. and got there roughly 10 minutes late. But definitely still on time. I rushed, like no tomorrow, and when I got there, the entire LTC was filled to the brim. Hoard of students were squeezing at the door, keeping it open. I was outside the door, few feet away. LOL. Please imagine the crowd.
I don't get it. They made it a compulsory attendance and obviously want many classes at one go, then get the auditorium la. Lagi best. Then the entire cohort can have it altogether. Efficient and effective. Rather then the current situation; separate to a couple of different lectures with many many classes as possible in each, and jammed up the LTC like tiger beer in a baby's mug; IT JUST DOESN'T FIT.

Have they got some brain?

If you still don't get it why I am this annoyed, because lao niang rushed to sch, drenched in perspirations, and what I got is standing outside the LTC staring at heads of noobobo students squeezing at the door, frantically fanning myself with my clueless petite right hand and still drenched in persprations. I was totally wet, IN PERSPIRATION MIND YOU! And if you are so retarded to realise, the weather is like it is in Sahara desert these days. Not helping at all.
I didn't get to enter the LTC at all. I didn't even get to it's door. And so I end up leaving the lecture (like I've even attend any at all literally.)

I was so hot, I went to the washroom and tried to clean myself up and cool down. But to no avail. Then everything started to get on my nerves, with all the discomforts I was experiencing then. I was texting weihong and complaining bits. Then I call Ken, who came out of his EMRS office to meet me right away, risking his 'safety' with his supervisor. DAMN A GOOD FRIEND RIGHT? Omg. He is, man. I am so blessed to have him.
He came out to the main door of his office stretch and we stood by the door, your highness complaining away.
ken: omg, why are you so wet? are you okay?
Then messing with my top,
ken: You got sexy not?
bren: !@#^&*()_ -complaining away-
ken: huh then how now? okay okay. what do you want to do now?
bren:
I need water!
ken: -ponting to a stretch of stairs behind the doors, inside the office compound-
okok. I let you in. you take this stairs, it leads you into arcade straight and wait for me. I accompany you to cheers.
bren: huh can meh?
ken: can can. don't bother just come in quick.

Got good friend not?
Damn it, I feel damn loved man.

Then basically we just headed cheers and got green teas and my yoghurt. Just as we exited cheers, ken's partner called to say his lecturer was at the office so he needed to run. LOL. And he left in a hurry with ' okay I need to run. stay around for a moment and wait for my call.'

LOL. He's like afraid that I'll get lost or something, or that as if I was terribly traumatised then.
So I went back up after him to the bridge to just rest and finish up my yoghurt. I like it there because basically its quiet then, and it doesn't feel that warm. Soon Ken called again.

ken: where are you?
bren: on the bridge outside you.
ken: okay. when are you going back?
bren: soon I guess. After I finished these stuffs.

Till then, I realised subconsciously, I fear a little going out of the school. Myself. Alone. And I knew exactly why. I was texting weihong and expressed a little about it.
'pretend that you didn't, even if you see,' he said.

bren: I see so many faces, and I hate it.
ken: I want to walk to you out, wait for me. just awhile more.
bren: when?
ken: go if you need then, I'll see you next week. take care of yourself.

So, I thought to set off for home. It's time. So I went to the washroom and clean myself. When I look at myself inside the mirror, at that moment, I saw a face I feel pain to see. It speaks of uncertainties and fear, of weakness. Every extended stretch of wrinkle tells a story of overcoming pain. I asked her, ' Why? Why do you feel so weak? You are too soft. Why do you fear?'

before long, Ken rang up again.
ken: where are you?
bren: In the washroom
ken: where?
bren: outside your office
ken: I'm done. I can move now. I'll walk you out.
bren: you are done? now? you mean you can go home now?
ken: No. But I can move away now. Don't bother. It's slacky in here. I'll be out in 5. Wait for me outside.
He walked me out to the train st and see me off.
AIN'T HE A GOOD FRIEND?
I was really touched, and full of gratitude. It's friends like that who kept me alive. I believe.

p.s. Gab. If you are reading this, I so wanted to call you up in school just now, in my distress. You came to my mind first! C'on. You are my favourite kantang in school now! Ha. But I remembered you said you were in sch for proj then, so I didn't want to disturb you. Aren't I nice. aww. <3

p.s.s. I was wear a top that cover only upper 2/3 of my torso. Ken was just over reacting, I think. HA.

Anyway. I came across a very nice chocolate recently, credits to almighty T. weihong. He was telling me about this chocolate that he apparently has gotten addicted with, which he got from camp and we couldn't find it in Cold Storage. He basically kept on going on about how nice and gratifying it is, and he uses 'addictive' to describe it. ADDICTIVE mind you, addictive. Incredulous, I feel. But he definitely got me interested to experience for myself this awesome candy he had made it to be.

Its one of the many chocolate range by Delfi. I don't know about you, but it's a pretty recognised brand for candy for me. This chocolate is call Choco Mini peppermint. It comes in a almostsquarish rectangular box, slightly more than a centimeter thick. It's packaging is basically white and green, and it seriously reminds me of the very well know product of Philip Morris. Later I'll show you why.
The Chocolate comes in small little bean size, no bigger than a regular soya bean! And yes, they are in green too! They're tiny whiny to me, just like eating Smarties, or M&M minis. But they are totally different. Smarties and M&M are designed and appeal to kids. Whilst this choco mini I presumed is for older age group, adolescents or what you called, the young people. The chocolate bean is of 3 layers, crust, filling and core.
The first layer is a coat of candy coloured green, which makes the crust and give it the crisp bite. Next is a layer of chocolate filling. Lastly, in the center is a lump of white substance, the peppermint!
To the uninterested, it is just a very normal chocolate with peppermint. Yes, I shall not deny, and that for a peppermint or peppermint chocolate lover, like myself, this is just one of the many good ones. But I assure you, this Delfi Choco Mini peppermint, with it smallish size and crunchy crust, and the strong peppermint flavour that will ooze into every pores of you, will get you addicted, even if it's temporarily before you return to your usual old favourite.
When Weihong brought me a pack last Sunday, it took my attention by its intriguing packaging right on the spot( show you later why I said intriguing). After dinner, I took an inaugural first attempt to these candy. First pop, and I was addicted.

I present, Delfi's Choco Mini peppermint. Doesn't it just reminds you of something. what else can you think of to be of a box like this, white and green.
Yes. It's the infamous Philip Morris's honourable creation, Marlboro Menthol Light. Okay, I know it pretty different. Totally different thing in fact. But they are similar, don't they?

All the minis in the box! The box is filled to the brim this little beans. Smack pass for quantity.

They are this small. Very adorable.
wh: small right?
bren: omg. alamak. Looks like dinosaur's egg to me la! damn. HAHA.

The top of he box reads ' CRUNCHY CHOCOLATE SNACK'. It is crunchiness promised. Pass quality too.

I know the picture is blur, but this is to show yo how it look like when bit half. Crust, filling and core. SEE IT?

I SOMPA. It's good.

When I got home, wei saw it and asked me for it. I proudly agreed and told her it's awesome and how addicted I was, and that apparently it cant be found in Cold Storage even, and weihong get it from his camp. But she nonchalantly replied, ' yes I like it.'
So I was taken by surprise and returned, ' huh? you knew about this? How come I don't know?'
Wei rolled her eyes and in an even more nonchalant pitch, ' Jie, the vending machine in my school has it, going at 1$ pr pack.'

-.-

Moral of the story?
Elite school has almost everything. In doubt, consult. Don't boast to a sister studying in an elite institution. JEEZ.
.....................................................................................................................................................................

I've got other random dreams again. I'll update soon. And other miscellaneous matters, along with maybe bits of my birthday fever.
((:

2008-04-21T02:01:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

BLOODY BRENDATHEGORGEOUS.

Still, I don't like you. I seriously don't get it what's in you to have such awesome friends. bloody you.
you are mean and evil and unfriendly. You are a bitch.
you don't deserve them.

At least I am gorgeous.

2008-04-16T10:43:00.000-07:00

Okay blogger died on me till now. Its 0144. Strictly speaking Its Thursday. I've got school later on; 2 hours of POM with the freshies, which I very much believe it'll end early. Since it's the first year, first semester, first week, not exactly first day, but first day of this lesson. FIRST LESSON. HA.

It's getting closer to my gorgeous birthday.

After school I'm going on a date. YES. A date for my birthday. wink.

I'm still very anticipatng to meet many other people. Aaron, prettyalvin, tomato, Nc, Tgeokching, Lfengting, jace, si jia, nd many more I cant name.
Yes, I missed out my husband. HOW CAN I?
Adri, Rachel Jia yu and Eileen. I gonna see them on Sunday for a bithchy girls dayout. Rachel I really hope you can come. puhleesssssssssssssssssssssss.

and my lavish birthday wish is,
I WANT A CAMERA!
hahaha.

I'm counting on Yongwee to pick me up in school so I get to avoid Tom*
If I just keep on meeting random people who says they want to meet me, I'll be so busy I wont have time to eat and shit!
HA.

Okayokay, I'm gonna meet new classmates, and I'm going on a first date. I'm so nervous and excited now, I'm experiencing the cliched butterflies in stomach. I'm gonna go see what is there to were an chose and plan what to wear tomorrow.

p.s. name * changed to protect that guy.

2008-04-15T11:16:00.000-07:00

Some things I want to clarify.

1. My daddy isn't a gangster nor a hooligan. he was in his teens and thus still carry maybe one or two traits of it. BUT not a fighter hooligan now. HE IS SUPER NICE AND ANGELIC OKAY.

2. Last night I was obviously angry, thus I sounded unfriendly and fierce. And I took the opportunity and bought up some other points too, where some people piss me off. I SOMPA by the time I off cracknut and return to my bedroom. I'm appeased and cooled off d. I wont be angry forever. So people stop yakking about it. To top it up it even more, I left for bed once I was done with that post. So, I wasn't angry and bitching for eons. Well. okay. For the 3 hours or so since 1am odd i start watching CNA till 4am odd I left for bed.
BUT CAN'T I EVEN BE ANGRY FOR 3FREAKING LITTLE HOURS? angry means angry, and I am angry. what's the problem. bluhg.

Lastly, I admit that I'm just super dulan last night and ranted on angst. BUT I'M ANGRY OKAY.
I kindly reiterate.

Enough about that.

I've been dreaming of people recently. If you remember my previous post, I mentioned I dreamt of Jianying on Saturday night.
Then Sunday night I dreamt of an unknown man. It's one of those dream all of us will definitely get it once in a lifetime; where you cant see the person's face and has totally no idea who that bugger is. That is when you are awake. You only know he/she took this particular role in your dream. For mine, this guy apparently, is supposed to be this handsome young man who bullied my sister, and I standing up for my sis, spill a glass of iced water at him over a meal. Then the whole bully thing eventually unveiled to be a whole lot of misunderstanding and amongst all the conflicts and stuffs, we fell in love.

Stupidly sound like so local drama though.

It led me to another analogy Lun once told me, dreams like that(where you are see the people's faces, but know their role and the story remains vividly after you wake up), most of the time turns out to be a deja vu in the future. And that a deja vu always occur to you with your prior knowledge revealed in a dream like that.

Oh my god. mean very likely this will happen lor? HANDSOME MAN LEH.
muahahahahaha.

Anyway, then another night, thats last night, I dreamt of this person. Male. One guy I always think is charming, in he own way. Sometimes la, he is pretty attractive. And I'm not the only one who thinks so. guess guess. hee hee.

I dreamt of KOK HONG WEI LEH!
and you know what. HE IS MY TAXI DRIVER.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. got funny not? I think it's super la. I tell you, I cannot stop laughing. hahahahahahahahaha. grin grin.
I know you can't really see his face in that screwed shot. Its deliberate to show how cock he is. Anyway it's a deliberate shot by your gorgeous to cover half his face with that beanie of his.
I told him on MSN which he did not reply (I think he's totally turned off), which I then logged off and left home swiftly after to meet Geok.

She wants to go PasarMalam, got me all stinked up from the pasarmalam food vendors, s we shopped for her travel toothpaste.
-_-
I soaked my tee in CK one perfume before leaving, knowing that I'd be risking myself to stink after that, and all effort pronounced surrender after she got her Darlie, because the stench is totally VENOMOUS. My freshly cleaned, sunsilk-ed hair, and CK-ed tee stink so terrible I so thought I fell into a pig's sty. BOTH OF US STINK.

I only told Geok about this hilarious story because I met her just now. but now that I blogged, Hongwei, many people know your taxi driver story liao. Anyway Geok is totally amused by it. Other than that I only told Yongwee on MSN briefly about I've been dreaming people, after which he asked if I dreamt of him.

I replied : No eh. But it seems like I'm on this fever of dreaming people. Wait. Maybe I just gonna dream of you one of these days to come. So wait. HA.

Yes. people, wait. I may just dream of you, to be my nanny, or bus driver, or gorgeous friend who went on TV or whatsoever! You never know. Hahahaha. I'm getting the kick.

I've been dreaming such dreams for 3 days, consecutively. I am going to find out about tonight.
YOU GO GIRL! (me)

2008-04-14T11:04:00.001-07:00

LAO NIANG IS FUCKING BU SHUANG NOW, YOU PEOPLE SHOULD BACK OFF.

I CANT BELIEVE IT. SG, BEING SUCH AN ESTABLISHED, AND CALLED ITSELF A FINE COUNTRY, HAS SUCH BULLIES, WHO JUST BECAUSE THINK THEY CAN SPEAK A FEW SENTENCES OF LOUSY TO THE CORE BROKEN ENGLISH, THEY CAN BULLY FOREIGN WORKERS.

I was watching get real ( I recorded it, thats why I can watch it now on cracknut), and today they did review a on bullies at work. For finale, they storied the ugly facts of Singaporean bosses exploiting foreign workers, because they are vulnerable! Just because they are in a foreign land and they can't speak a good standard English; and they can't sue you, nor even make a sound. Thus make them vulnerable to you and you can bully them like that? Brendathemeangorgeous shall teach you,

I BELIEVE A BOSS LIKE YOU ISN'T ANY BETTER AT ALL. I think you must be just some lowly educated, pea-feather-brained ching chong piang orjipalang losers who can not speak a full sentence of standard English too. YOU, too, are just gazillion times lousier and totally mediocre. what makes you think you are so great? because you are a Singaporean and those kind souls aren't? because you live in Sg and they are from developing countries?
FUCK YOU. FUCK YOURSELF.
YOU, are the kind of people even a down syndrome patient wants to slap, and should just die off in some terrorist attack or tsunamies.

Have they offended you? seduce your wife into the wheat field, screw her without a condom, doesn't bring her the big O but past her the worse STD a developing country can have? NO. They just innocently believed in you and paid you S$10,000, to bring them over, in hope of a better life for themselves ans their family. They, like you, each is a man with a family, loves them and want to bring them the best that he can. so you think forking 10000 for them is just as simple as you trying to buy a McChicken? or leaving his family behind, cross the ocean and come to this red dot with you? It's just like Germany and Adolf Hitler in the 1800s. The people are poor and life was harsh, and one day this bugger called Adolf Hitler popped from some stone and promise the people with food and good lives. Of course these innocence and poor people turn to him and trust him. Then only to be led into more poverty and cruelty.

No. come to think of it, I think there's a difference. Hitler does not cheat on his wife, but I very much believe you are just those typical bald headed with a big beer belly, old tee ko who run to mainland and fuck the cheap prostitutes in sleazy motels.

If you ask, no, I don't know if Hiter is married then, has a wife or a girlfriend. But it doesn't and is not going to make a difference to my idea here. if he has then he doesn't cheat, if he doesn't, all the more he can't and thus did not and doesn't.
Why do you want to argue with me?

Anyway back to the topic, I can't believe I'm living with such horrible people on the piece of land. We are holding the SAME citizenship. I seriously don't want to travel to China or India or Indonesia one day and being name as a Sg bully, just because you assholes are. It doesn't do me justice at all.
Yes. I can be real mean and evil and unfriendly and a bitch at times when I'm provoked, but that's WHEN I'M PROVOKED. I'm nice. I don't bully people because they are vulnerable and to my advantage. If my daddy and I can befriend and work harmoniously with these kind foreign souls, I don't see why you people can't.

My gorgeous daddy's profession relate to construction and building, and he has to go to construction site where his company has a project on, and supervise his department and his workers. Thus he has a number of foreign workers working with him. Basically Bangladeshis and Philippines and Indian? I haven't seen much of Indians and none of china men with him. A couple are degree holders, and are rich back in their country. They are nice people. if you so die die want to know, yes, I know it. because I've met them before. when we are younger an still follow daddy and moo moo around, he brings us to breakfast with them on Sunday morning. During their festivals, we get invited too. When they return to their hometown, they bring back nice gifts of their ethnic for daddy. Sometime I like them too and ask daddy for them.
when I'm in Braun Buffel, I have china lady as colleagues too, and we get along very well. I don't see what's the problem.

To top it off, my daddy is this old-time gangster, in his era of bell bottom pants, and he speaks like vulgarities is his mother tongue when he is angry.Even my daddy and a daddy's princess like me can, I don't know why those people just have problems.
Is it that my gorgeous daddy is super angelic nice or you people are just brutes?

I choose to take both.
and I think brutes for you is an understatement.

I fucking hate people like you bullies. I hope you just sink into some quick sand ( I know we don't have it in Sg) and let thousand underground insects crawl on you and leave eternal marks that read 'SMELLY BULLIE' on each of you, and yes, must be cap block. then you shall die and be buried till the world evolve back to dinosaurs era. when you are finally discovered by some noble archaeologist, they shall read you as smelly bullies, despise you, find no meaning in retrieving you from the ground, then indifferently bury you back.

Evil people like you do not deserve anything a tad better.

I am super angry tonight after watching CNA. I don't care you like it or not. I'm actually to blog about happier stuffs and update my xanga post about my eligible bf criteria. great. I'm ripped off all my mood. Stupid people.

And Landon. I am serious. If you think you can't be bothered about your birthday gift that I bought and you don't want it, or think it's okay to give it to the salvation army and surprise the africans, then by all means, I'm getting rid of it. I am offended.

I just learnt that there's an old fugly auntie in NYP who has my name ( Brenda) again. not helping at all. can ugly people just get yourself a oxford dictionary and search for another word to be your atas name? I'm not going to use 'better' to describe the word because nothing else can be better than my name.

last note.
I resorted to blocking people recently because I feel so disturbed and annoyed by these people. I've given enough obvious hints.
Courting a girl requires brain and eloquence I guess. At least I start to feel so recently. well sweethearts, you are meeting brendathegorgeous, and she is the you are trying to court. Don't piss her while just trying to court her and give her any chance to condemn you even as a friend.

note: the smelly bullies part, I know that cycle is ludicrous. The main point is that you should get my angst. And the last note. If you don't know who I am talking about, then don't guess and don't jump to conclusion. there are more than one.

2008-04-13T01:54:00.000-07:00

Last night I sat on my bed, unable to fall asleep because I was thinking of JianYing,reminiscing about the past, and feel a tad sense of lost because he wasn't around anymore.
Made worse when Ql called by mistake. ( they were tgt in East coast, having a bbq kinda thing)

In the middle of the night, I fell asleep and dreamt of him. (not the first time)

The next morning I woke up seeing him n my eyes, and the dream vividly in my head.

Am I not over him? or is this just post-breakup syndrome? bluhg.
HA.

Anyway. I do have quite a bit of photos to show and blog about with all my bf dear and husband from March. but apparently, your highness is feeling to the core lazy after all the long posts in march. I HAVE BEEN HEAVILY ROCRASTINATING IT ALL. I feel shit for this. But if ant to hear, I would say that I have been happy. I dont need to blog a whole load of pictures with my girls to show the world I'm happy la.

and ADR husband. we dont have nice photos tgt. we better meet and take some. dont force me to put up your random solo shot. AHAHAHAHHAHAH.
grin.

2008-04-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

2300 at night.
I'm going back to school tomorrow at 0830 early in the morning for csp. I pretty scared and nervous and jittery and fearful and worried and all of it. all whatever you can name. who to come with me. who to accompany me. who to be with me. who to help me. who to hold me? crazy crazy crazy. THIS IS CRAZY.

when you were here, you took away my fear.

2008-04-04T09:22:00.000-07:00

If you read in one of the million sentence I wrote, that I love sunflower, and I want one. Will you buy me one? Just to make me happy?

She did.

I've never loved anyone else more. she's not my flesh and blood.
I think I went through so much emotions today. when I cried my heart out, I was just typing everything I want to say to her. I wasn't even tearing a drop when it striked, when the earth feels crumbling down.

I cried thrice today. and twice because I feel so touched by her. I so love this friend of mine. I don't know what else to say.

I love you.
thank you, my dearest friend.

Tonight, I want to tell the world I love you, my friend.

My dearest, sweetest, bestest, likeaboyfriendwhowillneverbreakupwithme friend,
TAN GEOK CHING,allow me to call you your full name once,
this song is for you. I love you so so so much.

'On The Side of Me'
By Corrinne May

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you

I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth

'Cause you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you...

Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

2008-04-02T01:57:00.000-07:00

I WANT A CAMERA.

........................................................................................................................................................................
Nothing stops me from thinking about you. I woke up and all I know in mind is you. It makes me wonder where have you been; you hadn't even stop for a Hi. What am I to do with you all over my mind, my heart and my soul? where am I to go, to search for my answer, oh. Can i just text you and say, hello, I miss you you know. what will you tell me? how will it go? I'm ready to fly another thousand miles. will you take me again on another flight? Am I waiting? yes I am. tell me, show me, say it to me. hold me, I will not go.

Tonight I celebrate my love for you,
It seems the natural thing to do!
Tonight, no one's going to find us,
We'll leave the world behind us,
When I make love to you, tonight!

Tonight I celebrate my love for you,
And hope that you can feel that way too!
Tonight our spirits will be climbin'
To a sky lit up with diamonds!
When I make love to you, tonight!

Tonight I celebrate my love for you,
And the midnight sun is gonna come shining through,
Tonight, there'll be no distance between us,
What I want most of you,
Is to get close to you,
Tonight!

Tonight I celebrate my love for you,
And soon this old world will seem brand new!
Tonight, we will both discover,
How friends turn into lovers,
When I make love to you, tonight!

2008-03-28T10:18:00.001-07:00

I don't know how else to love you, I just wanted to love you.

I was excited for that moment your message.

My throat is dry and coarse like the skin of a cross breed of elephant and rhino and a dinosaur. It irritates when speak and swallow. I nose get blocked and I cough like, mild TB? oogk. BUT ITS BAD. I want to nua at home.but I can't stand doing nothing at home.
HELLO PEOPLE. COME SHOW ME SOMETENDERLOVINGCARE.
I'M DEPRESSED.
sick. this is crazy.

Other than this I'm pretty happy I think.
1st and most of all, adriana dedicated an entire blogpost for me! (: SO HAPPY to see my name there. so sweetofher. I love my husband! omg so so in love, I cannot take it.
Adr, I decided to change you to husband. sound nicer, I thought. HEHE.

2nd. ALVINTHEPRETTY IS COMING HOME!
If I didn't remembering wrongly, I think he mention that day that his flight is wee hours in the morning; like gonna touch Singapore at 5am? or something. He's been away for a good one month.

3rd. I spent the day with bfgc and sting.

loves.

and because I received your text today. like it was before. though you never say anything anymore.

2008-03-22T00:41:00.000-07:00

editted.

"This isn't love, this is destiny. somewhere above, this was planned for me.life has no meaning, I never knew why. till my dream came true, and my dream is you."

YABUHDAHBUHDOOOOOO!

I don't mean to keep quiet, but i don't know how to tell you I miss you.

so many annoying stuffs. are people stupid of are they just dumb.whats wrong with these people. and girl, stop showing your boobs to get attention.

....................................................................................................................................

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Browsed by landon's and I thought I shall go see what do they have for me. (:
Oh my god. Yes, it is. it's interesting to be reading about yourself.
c'on people. Is there any truth in it? AH HA.

Alot more on xanga; more of the analysis about me and what I say.

2008-03-21T12:13:00.001-07:00

getting so and very annoying. stop it people. stop gossiping.

and oh. I want a sunrise for my birthday.

2008-03-20T11:25:00.001-07:00

editted.

I don't know who you are, but I think you should stop browsing my friend's blog from mine, esp bf's. -ahem. especially when you aren't even my friends, I know there are irritating visitors like that. 3rd 4th degree friends of god know whose friends, stop linking from everybody. you are just an irritant. stupid people.

......................................................................................................................................................................
After long consideration and full of indecisiveness from geok, I decided to get a Xanga. Great. so now I have a blogspot, a Livejournal and a xanga. But apparently, my livejournal is pretty much of useless and abandoned. ( and yes, I've deleted the account today.) Look, this is what happened; blogspot has stayed with me for eons years since my virgin post in secondary school and it still is. But I don't like it to reveal my profile and it basically circulate only within my intimate circle of friends. Anyway, people who don't really know me, they don't get I what I'm bitching and yakking about on my blog too. And sometime, there'r certain things that mentioned, that cant be decipher by just anybody literally or superficially. You get it, you get it. You don't, good, ignorance is bliss. (: No, I'm not trying to be aloof here, but this is how I feel. Like geok says it too, 'I just need the few you to read, or to know.' EXACTLY, isn't it?
But, recently I realised,
1. More and more people are getting to know my blog. Yes. I said I don't reveal my link around to any, and thus you are thinking, ' then since they know it, means I let them have it, then whats the fuss about?'
Yes, I agree. I let them have my link so they can read, because they are friends I feel okay to reveal my blog to. Obviously. But. and so it leads to my second point.
2. there are certain times I want alot of privacy to my blog. Thus I don't want anybody to read it except for a couple. In the first place, my blog is a place I like to keep to myself and rant on certain stuffs that surfaces here and there, now and then. Especially for some matters that involve strong emotions and deep feelings. These are the things I want only geok and Adr, or maybe one or 2 more to know. not all the friends.
so you asked, 'why don't you just lock the post or private it?' good question darling,
3. BLOGSPOT CANNOT LOCK A SINGLE POST OR PRIVATIZE IT. Blogspot can only privatize the entire blog whereby only invited friends can read. which yours truly seriously find it a wasted of time, annoying and troublesome.

So I decided to get a Xanga. I was thinking about it, then I concluded that, NO. I will not abandon my blogspot; because it's been with me for so long. It's all my memories can tell, my life my story and YES, I feel attached to it d. Its kind of mushy, but seriously, honestly, I feel so. Under all circumstances, I'll still post my usual bimbotic bitchy entry to blogspot. but at times when Its too bitchy or somethings I don't want all to read. I'll have it here, in xanga. And at times. I'll just double post to both ( mainly bitchy ones I think) so my besties can just refer to one site ( xanga) and know everything. And at the same time, see my private post.

Okay, I chose Xanga because
1. It basically has all the function I feel in need of now, and
2. SO NOW I CAN READ GEOK PRIVATE POST W/O GOING THROUGH THE HASSLE OF SIGNING IN TO HER ACCOUNT. (:

GOT JIAN NOT. HAHAHAHA.

At this juncture, I feel lazy to go on typing d.wth. ha.
Anyway I met up with geok today.Impromptu stuffs. I went out in the evening to meet Aaron and rest for dinner. I'm like so super broke and they decided to dine in Mahattan Fish market. WTF, I got so suay not. Worse. I feel full because I had a pack of noodle for lunch ( Its actually breakfast moo bought, but I only wake up in the noon.)
in mid noon, and without doing much at home for the noon, not much fats or energy is burned. So i had soup with bread, and salad. AND WTH IT COST 20BUCKS AT THE END. Tomato and sheena had fish and chip and they paid like 10 odd each?

Anyway after dinner I let and went bugis to look geok up. helped her and with the closing and crapped home. series of pictures on the platform plus bits of gossips. HA.
I said okay to one of her ugly shot, after a series of 'no' to her pretty, me ugly shots, and she shrieked ammediately after my 'okay',
'HUH! ARE YOU SURE NOT?!'

Octopus.

geok, we got colour difference. HAHAHA.

I copy paste this whole chunk from my xanga. the rest after it, its for xanga. (:
too private la. I shy (:

and now I pronounced geok my bf, because she's my bestest I can have, like a bf who'll never break up with me.

2008-03-17T07:55:00.001-07:00

I don't know how to go by another day without you. Or just to wake up not with you in my mind.

Adri is sick and our date was cut short by quite a bit. disappointed because i want to spend some quality time with her. I haven't seen her for so long and yes, I miss her (:
many of other little things tonight which I don't want to mention.

adr: omg and you lost weight again. you lost weight didn't you? alot. again.
bren: -nodding pathetically-
adr: omg why. again? you are getting tiny and tinier. you are small alr. what is it.
bren: I'm NOT tiny at all. LOL.

cafe cartel in Raffles City is going down the scale in their services and FOOD. wth. what is that so huh. so regretted dining there. we could have gone New York New York, AND I COULD HAVE MY APPLE CANDY FLOSS. wasted. sad.

Micheal is a very nice guy.
and I can see that Adr is happy, and I'm happy for her.
beside her, I feel in love too. because she's spreading teh lovey dovey feel. But I don't know with who. LOL. wtf.
ha.

Is it?

2008-03-15T14:45:00.000-07:00

Edited.

No. I don't like it instantaneous.

So many talking about the never-before feeling about loving at the first instant and how heaven it feels. Yes. It is. And so, I've loved Justin Timberlake and Andy Lau for all my life.
No. is it not what it's suppose to be.

I didn't feel love the first time I see you. I didn't feel love the first time or the second I talked to you. Its the way you make me feel everyday. I like things growing from nothing, or something negligible. The joy and excitement to feel it growing and shaping. Its the process. Process of falling in love. Its the process that I want.

we are nowhere in between nowhere. If this is just nothing and going nowhere, I want to stop, turn back, and return to where I come from, before its too late to go.
Every step I plugged forward, I want to go back a million feet. Because I don't know where I'm going.

okay. Father sent a pigeon to pass a message last night
'What's with you Brenda? you are getting random, loved and lost. Are you coming back up here to sit with me?'
HAHAHA
I'm laughing because I can't stand my rubbish myself.

Random entry.
....................................................................................................................................................................

Okay, if it means misunderstanding and difficult spots, I've strike them all out.
If it helps.

2008-03-15T12:04:00.000-07:00

"I've spent 12 hours in your arms, or more, but every part of my soul is missing you still now, like I've never seen you for ten lonely years.
I don't want a fling. I want your everything."

- anonymous.

I used to be special in everything part of me. But now, people are starting to pirate my name!! so angry. not special anymore. Maybe change my name to some exotic names? like durian or rambutan???? I don't know. So I'm durian the gorgeous, or rambutan the gorgeous? wtf. lol. PUI.
Worse still, looking ugly, with my name. Oh My Fucking God. and it's not like just one of them. there's like many many of them can!! I shall just name you one.

Today I was in cine with Landon, trying to catch a show, and when I'm on the upward escalator reaching the ground, I heard someone calling my name from the back. TWICE. So I without-hesitantly turned back. and to my horror, I SAW 2 FUGLY LOOKING KIDS, ( and if you don't know, what I mean by kids are typical cheena ching chong immature secondary school ah lian ah beng) A GIRL AND A BOY, CALLING MY NAMES IN MY DIRECTION. I snoiked for a good 1sec and then I turned back to realize ANOTHER FUGLY LOOKING GIRL in front of me answered!
Am I suay or am I suay?

With my right palm on my chest, and so I told Landon in aghast, " omg fuck. I thought somebody calling me. and WTH I was like, how come I got such ugly friends! AND THE GIRL WITH MY NAME IS FREAKING WORSE! WHY MY NAME??!!" and I broke into a sinister laughter. Landon was like staring at me with his eyes at their widest and lashes longest, ' omg bren, how can you?!' mixture of some giggle. So I rebutted with a rightful ' CORRECT WHAT!' and go on with how the hell I feel so disgusted somebody fugly having the same name as me.
If you have a limited vocabulary in your dictionary and you just can't come up with another more suitable word to be your name, Then BRENDA shan't be in your dictionary too, sweethearts.
BRENDA is such a beautiful name, for beautiful people.

like this.
like this
like this
like this
like this. even with pig face.

like this.
LIKE THIS.with nice body.

YES. its for a beautiful lady like this. So what makes you think you are her match.

digress.
Talking about it, I have to say, xia xue is gorgeous in her own way and it's clear that it is. And. she is nowhere near fat nor even plump. don't know whats wrong with all the loser trying to diss her and say she's fugly, then comparing her with kaykay.

OKAY. THIS IS A BITCH ENTRY.
I just feel bitchy tonight. I'm not against anybody in particular, JUST RANDOM BITCHINESS.
get lost if you don't like.

Can I Fall In Love Tonight?

2008-03-11T11:44:00.000-07:00

I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT.
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME FEEL SO LOUSY I WANT TO CRY.

I don't mean to fa pi qi. but it strike off in me. and i don't wnat to do it on you. because i feel so baddddddddd.
I said I don't want to. I said I don't dare to. I said I don't dare to be mean. and I don't want to be mean.
I don't want to be strong, if it means I'm all on my own. why must i settle things like that myself. why can't i be nice and still achieve result. why do I used to have you and no I'm alone. NO. I'm not asking you to come back. nor i wnat oou to come back. I just don't want to be all on myself.
stop telling me I have to be mean.

I'm keeping quiet because I don't want to throw tantrum on you.

2008-03-10T09:43:00.000-07:00

IF I SAY 'I LOVE YOU', ARE YOU GONNA SAY YOU LOVE ME TOO?

I met a man. He is beautiful. He gave me a flower, and told me I'm beautiful. I feel my world sparkles, when he talks to me. I breathe his scent when he stay close me. His cologne was strong, it fills my lungs. He pieced a broken shadow and root them beneath my feet. I walk the land, feeling he's with me.
I met a man, he's beautiful. That moment, I fall in love.

2008-03-06T11:02:00.000-08:00

Littlest things.

Met ft in ad to get my phone. supposed to be just my collection slip, but ah lun had 'surprised' me by collecting it for me prior to that.

Brian called when ft was around and she fooled around with him on ( over me) the phone like i did to ah lun in then.
ft: hello. who are you? why are you talking to my gf? LOL.
brian: ( don't what he said)
ft: huh you want to woo her? do you know you got to get through me to do that?
brian: ( dono what he said too)
.
.
.
.
ft: talking to me, ' he's nervous d. hahahahahah.'
ft: yeah. she's great. a perfect gf. treat her good.

WTH. LOL.

wth.brian admitted to ft he's trying to court me. he didn't tell me. (though its obvious from his action) but its like. you get what I mean.
I TOTALLY SNOIKED WHEN HE ADMITTED TO HER.

so what am I supposed to do. he dated me for later at night ( fri) and I agreed. prior to this.
HELLO. FT. wtf.

LOL.

met john. so happy and enjoyed. yes. I love you johntanweiyou. BUT I LOVE YOUR PHONE MORE. ((:
We had water horse in cineleisure. walked to raffles place to have dinner then walked to esplanade to chill by the merlion.
AND. over some miscommunication, we are back early. lol. i reached home at 1am pleaseee.
LOL. JOHNNNN. retarded john. pui.
HA.

~~not that little,~~
somehow I don't feel that happy.
I'm just upset because I threw tantrum on Landon last night and I'd refused to talk to him till now.
ughh.
):
I don't want to be angry at him.

2008-03-04T06:39:00.000-08:00

I really think I'm happy now. free and easy. though lonely at times. (guh. don't remind me). At times when I'm all by myself, I'd reminisce and fly, with a nice tune like this, that's all I need.

NO. I'm not getting all sappy and grieving. I'm happy. The melody is so serenading.

You don't know how much I miss you, people.

1. Dennis
2. Mervin.
3. Ft
4. NC. DEARRRRR!
5. Xuanhui

and some ex classmates in school. I do think about them at times.
5. YUAN LONG.
6. FLORENCE
7. jorge
8. joanna
9. danny
10. pei xuan
11. wei quan

some many people a haven't seen for ages.
13. ALL THE QUEENS.
especally KOK HONG WEI and jeremy.

Including kelvinleejianying. because we used to be together? lol. nothing of the saddening missng sort, that I'll go hollering his name ( pretending going hysterical, calling jianying from teh window, like as if he'll hear me and reply hello. HA.) and sobbing like no body's business.
NO. nothing of that sort. It's just about a company of a friends.like all his stupid action that get you all laughing and stuffs like that? LOL.

AND , before all these come along, of course all my alltimefavbesties!
1. T.geokc.
2. Adriana. adr, we haven't met for so long please. yes yes we got a monday date :D
3. Rachelllll
4. and NC again.ha.

~~p.s. Landon, I don't know where to put you leh. where do you want to be? HAHA.~~

p.s.s I MISS ALL OF YOU TO THE VERYVERYVERY MAXIMUM. WITH HELL LOTS OF LOVES.

editted.

MA LA WU KOU LENG means 'how can it be possible' in dialect, with my own created spelling.

and the offer still stands. LOL.
whatever.

editted and again.

I forgot to mention. MINGKAI.
I havent heard from you for the longest time. I've been trying to look you up.
just where are you?

2008-03-03T10:56:00.001-08:00

Can you imagine I got the bear d now. I got in on Saturday. And yes, somebody got it for me. Yes. It's a guy. Yes. After that post. YES YES YES.

But no. Nothing at all to do with that sentence.

You want to woo me? Buy me that bearrrrr. (:
LOVE LOVE LOVE IT.

Because it's from LANDONSNGYIHUA.
This guy.
This guy.YES.
THIS GUY.

MA LA WU KOU LENG!

He'll never harbour that intention. I'll be so happy enough, totally elated, up in heaven , if he stop telling me that I'M FUCKING HELL OBESE.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

2008-02-29T10:01:00.001-08:00

Another load of pictures. This post is basically meaning less. just a load of camwhoring.
Wednesday. worked in the day, then agreed to meet ft in clarke quay at night. we wanted girl's time. I knock off ard 10pm odd and she knockoff at 1am. wth. LOL.but well. she works in night spots. thats why. so we agreedto meet in cq, since
1. most likely I can spend my time in haagen waiting for her,
2. being wednesday night, there must be things to do at late night in cq that day.and
3. she's in tanjongP, near to cq.
But, there were some hiccups. and we din't had any good times at all.

before I left home.

It was early on wed. Its obviously totally passed the festive period and the crowd died like totally. When I knocked off, it wasn't even 1030pm. ( usually I have to stay back for closing till pretty late, and I punch out ard 1030 or sometimes later than that). took my time and strolled to cq. and as expected, I spent my time goofling in Haagen cafe. I'm so happy all henry rennie Ceya and ql were ard. esp Henry. they are so super fun.
I go by haagen and took a peek at them when I touched there, and they were busy so I took a walk around cq myself, not wanting to disturb them. Come to think of it, I don't know if it's just me or what, it feel pretty scary to stand and walk around by yourself in cq on a Wedneday night. My friend always scare me saying it's dangerous because there will be many leachers around because it's ladies' night. BAHH.
There was this point of time, I was standing by myself by the fountain, at a corner nearer to haagen. Then, this ang moh guy came from behind and stood right beside me. I TOTALLY SNOIKED FOR A GOOD 2SECS LA. then I took a step away and turned to look,
wtf, his girlfriend is standing on the opposite side with a camera wanting to take his picture. Freaking hell scare me la. Want take picture tell me la, and why the hell want to take with me! I mean, it's like you are just beside me, and so close some more, OBVIOUSLY I'M IN THE SHOT. my back view. I don't know to laugh or to curse. LOL.

Returned after around an hour, and the crow died quite a bit. Rennie couldn't recognise me at the first instance. LOL. He was busy with teh month-end inventory thing. But he said that the slackiest things to do,for him to excuse himself and slack off. HA.

Haagen daz has super gorgeous and beautiful cakes. I've never bought any myself though, because the prices are as gorgeous. HA. now i show you my favourite.
GOT CHIO NOT!
hint hint. somebody. (((((((((((((:
anyway this is under their wedding category.

I like their RED wall.

thats my beloved Henry after closing, sloppy after slogging. HA. but he don't look bad still. Thats ql at the back, dong the ice cream. They call it leveling I think.

HENRY DON'T BE SHY =x

Rennie. Busy Rennie.Rennie posing for yours truthfully! heh heh.
:D

They were so pathetic that day ah pek asn't ard; their supper were cup noodlessss.

From all regions, of all flavours. (((:

I felt so bad to be around, because I feel so disturbing, especially when i see that they are gonna have supper soon. so around 1am odd I told henry I'm making a move ( ft is reaching soon too I guessed), but he insisted I stay on, saying its dangerous for me alone out there. buti feel so bad and disturbing to them ):
anw in between all that, ft popped through the door. and stood beside me. I snioked again. She looks totally off.
bren: eh ft.
ft ( first sentence /o even hi, lol) : bren, here got toilet? i wnat to puke.'
bren: why omg. okie okie. outside outside. opposite.'

I apologised to Henry repeatedly for the abrupt incident and hurried off with ft partly in my arms.

she was made to drink during work. not enough to get her drunk totally, but more than enough to get her like this. half drunk. LOL. so. i spent the time in the washroom with her; she's in the cubicle, and I'm outside camwhoring while texting Henry to apologise, and explaining what happened.
Anyway, we returned after a long stay in the toilet. because she's not fit for anything at all. so we cabbed back. when e are back to woodlands. she suddenly revived and we stopped by 888 to have supper.
SO MUCH FOR WAITING 3 HOURS FOR HER, AND WE HAD KAY CHAP IN 888. -GUFFAWS.

And did I tell you. I went down on the scale so much after the breakup.

2008-02-29T00:20:00.000-08:00

Random day. met Tomato after her work to dinner and some shopping. Well, i bought a new wallet from Dorothy Perkin. Super cheap. I can't stand. When I saw it i just grab without even thinking. You don't need to think for so cheap okie. a Dorothy Perkin leather wallet. Its my favourite soft leathery kind, feels just like smothering the animal itself. HA. omg. thats so sick. Anyhow, it's just very nice. plain BLACK.favourite colour somemore. With a silver buckle.

After that I end up in clarke quay. becaus ie want some time by myself and I want to eat ice cream. Simple as that. But Ft always got me wrong. so anyway there were some googaa going on. she's worried about her and I'm worried about her. I waited in clarke quay for good 2 hours for her and went searching around but see her none. LIKE WHO THE HELL GO CLARKE QUAY ALONE WHEN SHE CAN'T BE CONTACTED AT ALL BECAUSE HER PHONE BUSTED ON HER. When I finally got her call, I was around searching for her. I was so Worried and vexed I cried and shouted at her over the phone. We were just like screaming around in the call. LOL. I shan't tell you the whole story what at all happened. In all. I feel so loved that day. by ft.

Random drawing while having ice cream, pink beauty and iced water. Nothing to do with jian ying. I know you people find this familiar. I just anyhow doodle.and end up with this. anw. this was my original design by myself. I love it.

Table 2. i was on this table the first time I stepped into HD cq for ice cream.

I love Haagen Daz.clarke quay. and everybody there.

editted.
Landon.

My dearest Landonsng. this post is for you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING! (:
loves.

can you imagine he has all these in his room! Its like he sleeps with them. NO LA. not like i sleep with Mickey. They are around in his room ma.
YES. THIS IS LANDON,
fucking hell, tennis player. -.-
Can't relate? nvm. you don't have to. grin.

editted.
met him for dinner in AMK after his mugging on Tue.
Dinner in New york New York. candyfloss. window shopping and walk in the garden.

I like this one. looks like a poster shotttttt ((:

I just think this shot is hilarious. CANDID ofcourse. LOOKS LIKE HE'S BEGGING ME.
but he wasn't at all.
Salad. smoked salmon. he said he cant eat just vegetables, without meat. and because on the menu, this is recommended under diet choice. claiming that I'm obese, he said I need this.
PUI.

Tried his best and repeated, 'Guava is goooooooodddd!'

I forced him to take a shot with the candy floss. LIME GREEN LEH. so beautiful. I love appley taste. (((:

SHIT YOU LA. I say take picture when of me eating, not ugly.
But i think it's as hilarious as the one of landon. what a face. He must have said something bizarre.

Garden.

'GOT MAZE EH! BRENN FOR YOU!' landon screeched.

INFANT MAZE.
He's implying I'm obese and my body ( or my butts or my fatts) will just get stucked in.

I can't help it. It really feel so nice.
BUT THE FACE IS FUCKING DISTORTED TILL CANNOT. turn-off.

And he like to use his creativity to make me laugh like no tmr.
jeez.

2008-02-28T09:17:00.001-08:00

Met Geok for movie in causeway pt. Its actually quite long ago. during the new year period. the first few days of it. when it cost us 10 bucks per tix.

Ah Long Pte Ltd.

she wont laugh in the theater, she'll just hide and hold her laughter, and then smile at herself.
SHY SHIT LA!

editted

2 weekends before.
Met tomato and kelly for sentosa. Kelly said she needs a tannnn. Omg. I don't know. but I'll never need one.
anyway, I was held up that day and missed the sun bathing part. saved me from all the sun block and hiding. HA. Tomato said its was scorching in the noon; THE SUN WAS BRIGHT. So, tomato really turn tomato! HA. you'll see in the picture later. (((:

I expected myself to get to them at 4, and i was accurate BUT. there are just always some busted circumstances and situation. I even dropped by at fanny's and did a waxing with her thinking just to get thing totally okie for later on, lest I have to be in bikinis). I was still early after that. so I took my time. when I reach harbour front, I'm still on time according to my gauge. Then things started to came in.
1. Ticketing queue.
That day has many tourists among the other sgrean adolescents, which I understand definitely, being a Saturday. But why are they those that are virgin to Sentosa, and has to hog that poor crew at the counter to explain details to them. And I mean details whereby the crew has to take out the guide booklet, unfold it, reveal the ENTIRE MAP and start point here and there on it. to make it worse, its not just one of them, THERE ARE MANY OF THEM.
it should be fast where you just queue, buy the admission ticket and violah. go. enjoy that monorail. But I practically became a vase there. First waiting.

2. monorail.
When I finally got my tix, enter that shutter, the monorail had it's door closed and departing. Second waiting.
but I thought it should be fast so i thought, 'alright, wait. It's pretty cramped in it anyway.' So I waited, plugged my ear piece and moved with the grooves. slowly more and more people surfaces on the platform. all the tourists, quiet ones and noisy ones, some mat, and Kiasu people.
I really don't fathom( and i don't want to) why are they so kiasu. what is there to be afraid of? not getting onto that monorail? or the stupid monorail door is going to kiap their fleshy butts? hello, cant get on, too cramped, then wait. everybody has their chance. If everybody has to and did, then what make you so special? because you totally are an auntie and has a bigger butt? And what more, make your entire family( as usual, the daddy aint ard) with your children and their auntie uncles kiasu with you. Go on, surround that door and stick your face to it, squeeze your way through and leave the others behind your butt and smell your ass. You don't know how many people are cursing you.
Yes. I'm mean. -retarded evil face-

3. Tram.
I cannot remember how long I stood in the line waiting for the tram to palawan. frankly, after the revamp, that was my first time to palawan beach.
Yes. when I reach the beach station, the tram just left. wth. is this a joke? LOL. well, okie I wait. I thought of walking over, because I'm already pretty late from all the delays, and i thought palawan shan't be too far away since Siloso is at a walkable distance too. BUT. yes, there's a but. a) like I said its my first time there after the revamp, I'm not confident of the route. I don't want to get lost and start screaming for help frantically.
b) I'm just too lazy. too irritated and annoyed over what happened previously. I am gonna pamper myself with tram ride. ( I always think it's fun :D)
I waited for the longest time, and, I'm still in the same spot waiting. At this point of time, this family in front of me with 2 kids, one in the arm has got so irritated they decided to leave the queue and go. and just when they exited, the greengreen long tram appeared! and they came back right in. -.-
I was so damn excited and relieved and happy. AND THEN, the crew stopped me. Just at me. because no more seats d. WTF. I GOT SO SUAY NOT! and you know what. Its all those kiasu people again. Just this time round they were the Kiasu and ching chong piang CHINA ASSHOLES. They just come from all direction, take the opportunity that it's chaotic with so many moving at one time, got onto the tram and totally treat us, poor fellows in the queue, like a speck of dust! Hello. they think this is china. fucking hell, THIS IS SINGAPORE LA! just roll your ass back to china can.
I'm mean because I'm angry can!
and so, I waited pathetically another round of eons years. Just now I merely became vase, now, I was totally turning into a tree, ROOTED.
when my tram finally come, look at me and you'll see this fucking smirk on my face. I want to show the world ' hello. I'm first in line!' LOL.

To kill my smirk, You know what Sentosa do to me? They show me when I'm on the tram to Palawan, that it's only SO FUCKING VERY NEAR. I saw a young couple walking when my tram came knowing they wont get to go up. They left just at the time I got up my tram, and WALKED over to Palawan. And When I got there. They are already there too!
!@#$%^&*()_
Okie, I'm suay. freakingfuckingvery SUAY.

When I got there. Its 5pm. Kelly and tomato are already long done with their tanning. I sat down, and before my butt can even heat the mat the least, we left for bath. I went along to bathe too because a) since I have all the things with me and b) after all that i wnet through just to come here. I need a cooling shower!
And when is the toilet so big, with only 5 6 shower cubicles! and 2 stretches of toilet bowls! HELLO HELLO! I think we spent another hour in that toilet, waiting bathing and then dolling. ha. Next we walked and stoled to Siloso to get a some chilling out in Cafe del mar. A jug of house tequila and sank into quality times and behindthedoor small talks. (((:

from right, tomato, Kelly and yours truthfully.
<3<3<3<3<3

Had a short walk around in Vivo at night before everything closes ( they are already closing d). dropped by NUM and saw my belovedawesometillcannot rainbowie bear. I can't resist and decided to take pictures with it. Fear that lest num doesn't allow photography, went tup to ask the crews( I didn't expect all of them to be standing there together, so I'm basically like talking to everybody and asking permission from everybody). Then one of them, maybe the leader?? was like, ' erm. I think it's ookiee ( a draggy okie) la.' Of course I was excited, and being so, I took the bear and went to hide in a corner where none can see me, except for Tomato and Kelly. But I think I heard the crew talking about me! Something about taking picture with that bear and some giggle. ARE THEY MOCKING AT ME? omg. hahahah. But I can't be bothered la. I'M HAPPY :D

You want to woo me? Buy me that bearrrrr. (:
LOVE LOVE LOVE IT.

2008-02-28T07:03:00.000-08:00

Yet another late late post. go on yakking. but i cant be bothered. but but but. I do am apologetic about it alright. I don't mean too but I've been so lazy to do all the uploading and posting, and all. ( insert any retarded evil grinny face here if you like. )

This is my valentine day.~~Being sadded and broken up~~, I spent the day with my gf(s). RACHEL RACHEL! she's got sch so we met in the late noon. she ended earlier than expected and thus we had more time for other stuffs before the show.

First we had Pastamania in Cineleisure, then headed shaw for PS I love you. It took me a hard time to book our seats, and we practically go so hysterical in fear we cant get into one ofthe showing. On the night before, everytheatre showing it is like FULL. GODDESS. Its like, not all cinema are showing it and there weren't even many slot of it.
Shaw house, The Cathay, Cine are standard with 7pm and 9pm. they had pumped in the large theater to accommodate all the lovebirds I think. ell, so there move love in the air when theya re all together? I DON'T KNOW. HAHAHAH.

When we got there, the prebookedtickets queue was this freaking LOOOOONG and still with the normal queue going on, but aint as long I think. everybody has pre-booked their tickets! Rac and I were just 2 random ladies heelee haalaa-ing in the queue with many many lovey doveys. and yes. we arent at all jeaolous of them. many envious at that little little bit. we are happy ladies!
And i notice this guy keep looking at us as we hala our way though, ha.
Rachel said she read the novel and its really nice. so even more she wants to catch the film, but was disappointed that they changed some little things. In the novel there are 10 letters for over 10 months. Nonetheless, it's sweet and touching. It did provoked my tears a little. I DIDN'T CRY TILL FEELEEFAIRLEH LA! hoho.
Okie, that's the movie. After which we took a sit in Mcafe and camwhored through. that weren't all after some whole lot of pics we decided to walk down Orchard Road and camwhore with anything we feel interesting.
Before we left were tons of marking saying when to start moving, but we just stayed on because Mcafe keeps playing NICE SONGS! HA.

Alright, take a breather, some pictures first.

this is the mirror stretch along Wisma Atria. we were walking along orchard after shaw.

Omg recognize this bonsai? Its the one outside Ngee Ann. beside Louise Vuitton. i love taking pictures with plaaaaants. holding their leaves like a bf's hand. HA.

These are those in shaw Mcafe.

I wonder what are all these random candids that Rac like to take. she loves doing these things to people la! and we end up with so many solo candid of myself! More to come.

I know i look like shit here. But nonetheless I decided to put it up still, because, don't you think Rac is such a babe here? loves loves.

OMG i oh so love this picture.

lovey dovey.

see. another one
and more

and MORE
AND MORE!
well this one because she wanted something for her contect picture and we decide to do sth cranky. And yes. i gonna show you hers.Don't blink,

YES. THIS ONE.

You don't know how much I love yo! <<<3>

And so. Along the way. we blabbered and bitched, and e stopped by Maritus Mandarin. thinking it'll be nice to take picture inside. we strutted in. Its freezing col inside and so quiet compared to the street. everywhere is so exquisitely and glamorously furnished. HOTEL LEH! plus its the CNY festive season. I love the female crew in the BRIGHT RED qipao. HO HO HO. I told Rac I must take picture with them.

And you know what Rachel loves? (are you thinking what I am thinking?) YES. WASHROOM. I reckoned she love camwhoring in exquisite washroom like those in hotels. I do too, but I seriously think shes worse. HA. she loves the sink, the bin, the mirror, the dryer, the tiles, the MOP and THE TOILET BOWL. It was damn exciting inside because you don't know the other patrons in the washroom is looking ( trying to hide from them) and when its empty, you don't know when and who's gonna enter the next moment when we are in our crazy poses. HA.
at one point, Rac loves the mirror on the wall underneath the sink ( i don't even know how the hell she notice them. she must have bent down and looked ard when I wasn't noticing.) Then she said she shall take a picture with our reflection on that wall of mirrors! ha. went along because its fun please! so super excited. Its like, we gotta pretend we are doig some atas stuffs like touching up inn the washroom, and wait for all the ladies to exit ( liek 2 of them), then put ourselves to the floor and start posing and shooting before the next TAI TAI comes in! LOL. and yes. when we are ugly on the floor. somebdy walks in and we LITERALLY JUMPED TO OUR FEETS. and my shoes came off while we were, so I was frantically searching for it and putting it back on! OMG. Its more than just fun. fun and exciting are just too understated for it. and you can go on and imagine how hard we laughed when we get on our feet, looking at the ladies walking in. - I laughed like no tomorrow :D

indulge, here we go.

Toilets shots (:

(((((((((:

Back to the lobby.
And I told you I love plants d. <3> At another end of the lobby, there's this piece of bright red wall, I so love it I can't resist but to take a shot with it. BUT. RACHEL WHAT ARE YOU DOING. WHY THE CANDID! AND UGLY CANDID SOMEMORE! OMG.

The concierge. I love this section.

omg omg. so fun! (((:

Rachel insisted she want a shot with this bonsai. okieeee.
after shooting,
Rac: omg the tree is soooo dusty la! -cough and cough.
bren: -laugh till cannot- then why you want to take with it.
rac: -puiing the dust- I don't know . random.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. RACHELLLLLLL.

RED LADY RED LADY. and the bell boy!!

OMG ORANGE TREE LEH! Or tangerine, Rac said. whatever, to me, they are orange. ((((:
I lovesssss plants.

You are my valentine RachelLMX! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3>

2008-02-25T08:46:00.000-08:00

Alright , I know this is super late.But nonetheless, Happy Chinese New Year people. LOL.
and the happiest thing to be, MY MATERNAL GRANDMA'S BIRTHDAY FALLS ON THE EVE! omg what a beautiful thing to be. okie, its not like its the first time i knew it. but im just happy about it. can I? oh no. i dont nee dyour permission. I'm happy. ((:
Thus my new year eve is always very happening. ha. with all the birthday song and cake cutting, after steamboat, yu sheng and shark fin. HO HO HO.
and you are not to get jealous,

these are my wonderful wonderful grandparents, i love like no tomorrow.

After that we'll always go paternal grandma place.( she live just a carpark away from yours truefully). Nothing great there because other than my grandma and bao shu shu's family. the rest are just bastards and bitches. nothing to talk about.
-evil grin.

First day was quiet, with my great grandma hospitalised. nontheless, we went to some places.

wei.
An.

ME.

editted.

one of those NY das, i met up with beloved fengting too. and oh. I LOVE RED. I OH SO LOVE RED.like i always do.

bessttt.
Had crystal Jade for dinner. i forgotten what i had, char siew noodle in soup I think. nothing impressive, but not bad. well i was never impressed by Crystal Jade. maybe its just to cheena for me. I'ld rather like Ding Tai Feng more. in a way. I cant help but love myself more each day.
<3 style="font-weight: bold;">we were going to SSDC to enroll in driving license. im takin g car and she, bike.
And yes. pretty excited. (:

lovesss.

another day. Okie okie. This is actually pretty recent. like the satuturday before the one the just past? ha. paternal grandma's turn for birthday celebration.
yes i love her. just not the rest i mentioned above. their family shots.
I WAS BORED LIKE DEAD.

2008-02-20T06:35:00.000-08:00

I saw you there in my dreams. you told me I've lost weight. I can't pretend. I don't want to pretend anymore.
I love you But why aren't you here.

2008-02-19T11:00:00.000-08:00

why must you lie
why had you lied
why did you lie
why do you have to lie?

so much for loving you.SO MUCH FOR LOVING YOU.
yes. I'm spoilt, I'm childish, I'm missy, I'm princessy. and yes! you and that bitch are the best HUH!
cheat on me and admit it. stop calling me a whore who cheated on you.
BITCH.

2008-02-17T15:48:00.000-08:00

This is Harry. really reminded me of Dennis at the first sight, and till now whenever i look at him. fengting, stop yakking at my ear how cute you think he is. yes i know.
He is.
I see Dennis in him.

And yes, people,
I HATE THAT MAN, AND THAT NEW BITCH.

2008-02-10T01:48:00.000-08:00

曾经如此相爱, 如次深爱着. 如今怎会如次冷漠空白?

I'm waiting for something, waiting for nothing, waiting in vain,
waiting for you.

girlfriends.

2008-02-01T21:43:00.000-08:00

I wanted to be there for you when you need me.
I wanted to tell you I care. why do we have to end up this way? what is it to make you go so far away. I shouldn't be thinking, no I shouldn't. for you are happy with her today.
never had I feel this way. because I knew, you would never go.

bren: I never thought i would ever say that. but i did.
.
.
.
adr: oww. why. you mean you've never tell him this before?
but why?
bren: I trust him.
adr: so that alotof stuffs you didn't get a chance to tell him?
bren: its over.

Alright on a happier note, I met Adr ytd. impromtu. for dinner in compass point. ((:
after which I crashed her place and had my first sight of her incredible wardrobe! I can't get it out of my mind now. hahaaha.
but i think the best out of it all were our quality till 0030 in the morning.

2008-01-31T23:58:00.000-08:00

You were the one
Who I could tell my deepest fears
And you were the one
Who always wiped away my tears

When he hurt me you were my prince
Sent straight from above
Like a fool I never saw
You were falling in love

So now I’ve lost everything
Cause now you say
You’re gone forever more
So who will I

Who will I run to
Who will I turn to
Now that you left me behind
Who will dry my tears
When I cry
Who will I run to
And who will I turn to
Now that you’re not here
In my life

You were the one
I took for granted all those years
And you were the one
I should’ve known
It was so clear

How could I be so blind
Not to see what’s before my eyes
I’ll get you back here with me
If it takes the rest of my life

'Cause I would give anything
'Cause I want you back forever more

I will gladly journey
Across the deep blue sea
If I could know
That I would have you here with me
I realize that I was blind
But now I finally see
I need you back here in my life
Oh baby can it be

Who will be there for me
Who’s gonna rescue mIe
Who’s gonna share my dreams
Who’s gonna mend this broken heart

2008-01-30T08:27:00.000-08:00

想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
我发誓不再说谎了
多爱你就会抱你多紧的
我的微笑都假了
灵魂像飘浮着

- grabbed from leefengting

tell me how am I suppose to let go, how am I suppose to not care, and how am I at all suppose to not love you. walked in with her. I refused to see.
I choose to vanish.

I WOKE UP THINKING IT'S YESTERDAY, THINKING YOU WERE HERE.
DO YOU.

2008-01-27T21:25:00.000-08:00

I've got a load of photos, and I don't know where to start.
alright a bimbotic act,

HO HO HO. skimmed through my album and got this picture. I've no idea when was iT taken d, but I'm pretty certain its recent. now, you know how i look these day, you can start imagine the scenes of everything I gonna talks about. hahhahaha.

Alright, next proud thing. I went for a opera with Adriana on Friday.
La Traviata by the Singapore Lyric Opera. sung in Italian, with English and Mandarin subtitles.
the show we wet was their Grand Opening in Esplanade Theater.

Beautiful theater it is supposed to be. but somehow, it look like its in a mess this way. Anyway, as you can see, we are on the last the the top row of the theater. it doesn't matter how you people gonna say or feel about it. but Adr and me are definitely okie and loves the seats, especially yours truly. It's really beautiful and exciting to be sitting up there. you basically get the whole view of the entirely theater, and the lightings looks almost perfect up there; everything is sparkling like you're on the milky way with gazillions of stars blinking at you.
Furthermore, its a opera. who needs to see what's on that stage. LISTEN TO THE SINGING! (:
well, unless youa re just so particular about it and can't stand it you can't see the first row of the symphony orchestra( unless you lean forward a little), because they aren't even on the stage but off stage in front of it, then great. Jesus says he loves you.

Picture pictures.

we wore black dress with a shaw each. pretty expected though. I can't help staring at her cleavage in the picture and ponder and wonder when will I get mine. My boobs are negligible.
-.-
I keep telling her for tons of times about the cleavage matter, admit it Adr, i know i"m disturbing. HA. and. I LOVE HER WHITE SATIN SHAW. look at mine and i feel so loserish. and i quit comforting myself by saying ' laha, i've got a red one with gold motifs and trimmings.' Adr loves red too. bright bloody red. heh heh heh -evil.

evil friend is your best friend at times too. BAHAHA.

The opera was longer than we expected; about 3 hours in all.commence at 8 and everything ends around 11pm. after which we cooped in the toilet for some touch up, which apparently was so long while we were in it, EVERYBODY HAD LEFT THE ENTIRE THEATER GROUND. and what's more, its even till the crew came to ask from outside if anybody is still in because they are trying to close it all d. THIS IS CRAZY AND HILARIOUS. HA.

We walked to clarke quay, heading for Haagen Daz cafe. I was thinking on the way if Zai would be around so we can catch up. I know having him around will be fun. he's really entertaining.
And yes. he is around! ah ha.
but he did not recognise me at the first instance. I was like staring at him. gah. ha. after some time, and i walked so close staring at him then he realised. GAH. he said I look different, but i think he is just plain too busy and got less observant.
and we got a seat in immediately because of him. THAT TABLE IS SUPPOSE TO BE FOR SOME ONE ELSE WE DON'T KNOW WHO, WHO IS ON THE WAITING LIST. what's more, he personally made me a lemon sorbet, and Adr too.
god. I gonna love Zai. more.
.
.
.
.

I gonna gush about Zai a little bit more.
he's a very intelligent men with charisma and charm. witty and humorous, eloquent and refine, totally a gentlemen. His wife is gorgeous and his son is more than just cute. can be philosophical at times when the situation calls for it. its an enjoyment to be able to sit down with him over a drink and indulge in a quality talk.
and yes. (: I gonna disclose his picture,
.
.
.
.
.

AHHA! That's him. god, how can you not love a man like that!
picture before we left at 1 am plus in the morning.

digress a little,
why do I look so fat in the picture. GAHH.

ALRIGHT, THATS ALL FOR FRIDAY. LAST NIGHT..
met mao quan in ad for supper after work. come home first, then went out to meet him again. Admiralty is as boring, thus, our supper was mac. didn't had alot as we planned to get some drink after it and chill off in the open.
That sickening man in 7-11 checked my IC. ami suppose to be happy i look young like a kid or brood over the fact that i look like a kid? well i choose none.
THE MAN IS JUST DOING HIS JOB TO CHECKS EVERYBODY (WHOM HE THINKS IS YOUNG) WHO BUY ALCOHOL IN THe MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
HA.

Anyway. mq is underage. maybe its because of him luh.

i gave this snobbish laughter and showed him my IC proudly and he goes, (twitching his nose and giving loserish look), ' uh huh.'
ahhaha.

i don't know what the hell is he doing behind me. disturbing my camwhorings.

Jim bean cola. such a noob drink and i got checked for my IC.
-.-
I think mq hadn't had this before so i explained about its alcohol content and taste and everything, and asked if he's okie with it.

me: its 11.sth % just cola basically with the alcohol.
mq: ... ( thinking) should be okie la.
me: its double barcardi breezer. or you want that.? JBC taste of alcohol stronger-ly.
a lil bitter for a starter.
mq: nvm. just get it.

okie then cheers.

after whole load of conversation,
me: -turning away. eh di. outta 10 sentence form you 9.5 are about YJ. aiyo.'
mq: shy and trying to rebutt,
so are you okie'
me: stare. what did i do
mq: since in mac, all you talk about is mervin. you also 9.5 out of 10 sentences are about him.
mervin mervin mervin'
me: eh. different hoh. not like your YJ YJ YJ.
mq: no! your eye candy eh. who is the one who keep gushing over how adorable her eye candy is.
me: fuckyoumq look. ha.
and we started arguing.
.
.
.
.
and after he saw mervin's text,
mq: uh oh. jie. he's jealous. confirm. ):

NOW FOR ANOTHER GUSHING SESSION.

See the roses made of tissues? they are really sweet (: and they smell just like the the one who made them. I sit them nicely on my desk with other bouquets.

bottom left, is a bear bouquet from minghan. my first bf.
botton right, bear and roses bouquet from jianying, my latest bf.
All history.

At the back on top of them are the tissues roses by him. really sweet of him. I'm touched, I am. its all the effort and thoughts that makes them beautiful. I really really do love them.
oh my god, its really sweet ain't it. oww.
I'M GETTING IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN.
HA HA HA HA HA.

close up.
and who don't like a sweet guy by her side?
and no, I'm not going to tell you who he is.

2008-01-22T07:13:00.001-08:00

why do I feel this why? can you sense it?
feels wrong.

2008-01-22T03:08:00.000-08:00

这不是爱.

2008-01-17T09:26:00.000-08:00

I'm angry. angry. angry. really angry.
What is wrong and what's with all these? so you think its okie to be missing? or dumped me in a swirl of confusion? aren't yougoing to tell me whats wrong?
wrong darling, wrong.

thats so not nice of you.
and i'm angry. ROAR.

2008-01-16T23:02:00.001-08:00

Rah.
Just a few weeks and loads of stuffs cramped into me. one is unsettled and come another to solve. irritants.

MERVIN IS MY NEW EYE CANDY!
irritant doesn't refer to him please. But. i don't know how he thinks of feel about ths. i can sense something more than just than coming from him.
what is THIS?
Mervin make me feel like an elder sister. standing beside him I feel a gap. i feel obligedt o love him because i"m older than him. That'd just hoe he make me feel; like a kid, a kid I'm happy with and i want to protect.
( not like i can protect anybody, i can't even safe mysel in need) HA. but that's not the point. You get what i mean.
ANYWAY,
He's very adorable. in love in love.
HAHAHAHAHA.

I scored 20.5 over 30 for my Principle of Management.
happy, yes i am. But
ALL ARE JUST USELESS.

2008-01-15T07:12:00.000-08:00

I'm tired.
Really tired.
Get rid of me if you need to. take me away. I'm really tired.

edited.

where are they looking at me like that.
oh my god they make me feel so shy.
JEEZ.
whats next?

2008-01-11T02:23:00.000-08:00

'eh going off alrdy. this is my contact 9*******,
anything can contact me uh haha if you're taking lift by yourself you can call me
instead of being crazy inside the lift haha. bye'
Hahahhahahhhhhaha.
Fuck you Mervin.

This is one kid other than Ming Kai I'm so friendly to.

I tried to get his picture here but failed. Ha.
well, because i'm using mozilla. I think IE user are able to view it.

2008-01-09T04:17:00.001-08:00

I miss you and I miss you. when will ever see you again.
to hold your hands and walk time through.
wherever we go, it doesn't matter. with I'll go, on and on.

why be so cold to me, when you miss me the most. you know that i knew it, why still are you trying to hide? Do you know how much i miss you and how much I want you along. Why do treat me like i don't deserve any more. silence and cold as you like, come and go as you wish. why so cold now and later on so sweet. I want to see, I just want to see you. But I can't date you, I can't even ask you. why do I wait but you never come? why do I keep on waiting, hoping you hear my cries.
I wish i hope and i just want, to spend your birthday with you.

2008-01-09T01:02:00.000-08:00

The sun is setting, so damn beautiful. With nothing in my mind, I'm sitting on the bed
and here in my room, I can see the sphere of life going down.
Now its hiding behind the cloud, as though shielding away his weary face.
As i talk to you my dear diary, the sun has waved its last goodbye, leaving trails in bright orangy red.
Far behind the cloud i couldn't see, it's gone.

I don't know how long more I can wait. Soon, the feeling will go, along with your cold shoulder. till then, nothing will anymore make a difference.
Am I destined to lose you? Are you made to be someone else's?
Say yes now. so save me from the pain for carry on waiting and pinning on hopes. And in the end, I'll lose you to her.

So what I'm crying, so what I'm crying over you?
So what you fought him, so what you try to protect me now. HOW MUCH LONGER WILL YOU BE HERE?
STOP MAKING ME BELIEVE, BELIEVE YOU STILL LOVE ME.
IF YOU AREN'T HERE TO STAY,
GO AWAY NOW. JUST GO.

2008-01-06T22:23:00.001-08:00

1422. I forced myself to get up from a nap.
...

As my eye lids falls and blind me from the world
I was led to another.
stagnant, it is. without grieves and hurts
you stood at the far end searching for something
or someone.
I kept looking at you
but, without pain.
you turned, and your eyes caught mine
you broke into a smile, with a tinge of frown

'come back baby, it's time to go home.'

Now i know, this place is different
This is where I find your love, once again.

I dreamt of you, why had I so.
I miss you I miss you and I miss you so. why when I'm awake,
you tell me no.

edited

Never knew i could feel this way
like I've never seen the sky before
want to vanish inside you kiss
everyday, I'm loving you more and more
Listen to my heart
can't you hear it says
come back to me and forgive everything
seasons may change, winter to spring
I love you
until the end of time

2008-01-06T06:07:00.002-08:00

This was the man I loved. Maybe 3 days, or 1 week later, I'll take this post down. but right now, I know why i want to do it.

I just need one more chance to tell him I love him.

Because I still do.
Waiting has became useless. This is all i can do.

2008-01-06T02:22:00.000-08:00

I'm having presentations. so many of them on the weeks starting tomorrow and i cant even swallow fluid right, let alone speak.

gahh. its been so many days and my sore throat just got worse and worst. not its so bad I'm coughing like I've contracted Tuberculosis. other than I'm not coughing any blood out of my body. i seriously think i don't have enough to afford to cough out any. how am i going to describe the pain in the pathetically tortured throat? if i gonna scream' ARG> IT STINGS!' I'm just consoling myself it wasn't at all bad. )))))))):
WHAT IS THIS!

For all the moment on the bed, i started reminiscing. Not that i want to, flash back just come unstoppable-ly. no such word i know, tell me what else can i use to substitute this. and for a moment, i stoned. apparently, i seems to be sickly on the Sundays. and the Sundays i used to lived, i had you. I haven't been at all frank. i hate all the times you tell me ' you can't eat this darling! it gonna make you feel worse.' then smiled and put everything back on the rack, or simply herd me away like I'm a sheep. i hate it. but i know you just meant well. OWW. and now I'm missing you telling me that. no i won't get angry, though i do throw tantrum because of that. My bad. Every time, i love you more when you promised i could eat anything and everything after i recover, upon my tantrum. then like a little girl, i would broke into a smile and cheers,
'you promised?'
'yes.'
happy.

those were the days. Now i sit on the bed all by myself. i guess you won't even be bothered even if i broke my limbs.
Do you hear me pray through my sleep, call your names, and hoping you sit beside me?

edited.
i wonder how many people read my blog. how about you people tell me if you are?
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I'm sick I'm sick. play with me.
gee gee gah gee goo. ):

2007-12-30T22:26:00.001-08:00

h appy 30th . (: met adriana in Little India to do hanna and threading. Venessa is great. really awesome. if you don't know, venessa is the salon n Little India that we went. after that walked to bugis to collect my christmas present from lynn. i totally went hysterical upon seeing it. its like. a beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg mickey mouse dolll. lynn knows i love it. heh heh heh.

then, we trained to orchard from dinner in Cedele. and some shopping. we didn't really wlked much before we decided e re too bushed to carry on the shopping. HA. so bus-ed to clarke quy for some nice chill out. dropped by haagen to say to say hi and stayed for whie for some catch ups. qinglong, Ceya and some of teh rest were liek so shocke dto see both of us. hahaahhah.
whats wrong? ha.
we crashed China one as recommended by HENRY. heh heh. not bad not bad. sat till 1130, nd we decided to mive. went back to haagen and got a scoop of midnight cookies and cream to scooch. we were more then just feeling bad when qinglong and ceya refused to charge us.
even zharinah too. i was so touched wheni looked at zharina, nd she told me, ' just go. before i change my mind. just go.'
argg. i ws s touched i can feel tears.

I'm n longer jy's girl.

random picture in China one. all the flash got us cross eyed. ha. last night, we decided that we should set a day every month to make it a must meet up for shopping and chilling. then we gonna explore all nice bars and lounge in Sg. HAHAHHAAHAH.

picture in Cedele. i love love. HA.we got marvelous chicken salad recommended by our cute waiter.
show you his picture later later. ha.

we had awesome soup. erm, anyway, its only last night we realised, that soup we had on our previous visit wasn't te clam chowder we always thought it was. pretty sad though. because before that we were still discussing how are going to find out if they are serving the chowder, and if they don't how are we gonna say no to dining in anymore. you knw, its like, we are there for that soup, not really teh main courses you see. and they got such good bread that just the soup and the bread, ( we gonna have so much of it) we will be filled, and very satiated. HA.

so we asked our cute waiter by the entrance, asking if they serve clam chowder that day, and he said yes. so we got all excited.

in the end when its served, we realised it wasn't the one we had. the one we wanted was orangee in colour. BUT. NONTHELESS, THE SOUP ID STILL AWESOME!

well, so the one we wanted wasn't even any clam chowder at all. HAHHHAHAHAHA.

HEH HEH HEH. OUR CUTE WAITER! ha. adr and i were discussing, we wanted a picture wth him. but things didn't materialized.
look at how disappointed Adr was. HA.
heh heh heh.

LOOK. this is my hanna on my back. the end products. althoughits nothing at all like what i wanted it to be, i still love it loads.

SHE"S STARTING TO DRAW TO DRAW TO draw to draw to draw....

my wonderful bare back before my adventures!

i actually wanted something that covers the whole of my back, and the best part is, up to my neck. but the lady says it's not quite a good idea because our neck is joint where we bent. if she gonna draw on it then i gotta stay in that position basically for the rest of the day, or at least a good few hours? so after some discussion, we decided to keep it small and sweet. HA.

AND AND AND. i got a new card
ISETAN PRIVILEGED CARD!
got my name got my name.

2007-12-13T11:13:00.000-08:00

What is the pain I am feeling. breathing in deeply was no longer relaxing. The night was no ordinary with the extreme silences, and yet, such a din; so quiet I keep hearing noises from within. Its self reprimanding, its the frustration of being so close and still so far.

Are you trying to spite me with that?

Are you throwing your tantrum trying to rebel?

I blame myself for all this silly actions you commit now. I cried to the moon hoping he hears me, and lend me a shoulder. I reached for his arms to take me away.

my heart ripped and tearing its blood. my world painted red with my own bloody heart. tonight i cried, when you cheered to ego of a painted limb. 2 drops of tears and I said,' thats it'.

'From this moment on, we are through and through.'

no longer love you, I love no more. down it went, I drank my own tears. so you'll see me, cry no more.

love you, I once loved you.

no more. but no more.

2007-12-11T18:40:00.000-08:00

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you

So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

2007-12-04T09:38:00.000-08:00

i feel lost and full of misses. The you i knew died.
how are you there? have you eating well? how are you feeling today. i miss you. but why are you ignoring me?

2007-11-19T07:24:00.000-08:00

suddenly it feels so hard to let go. where were all the anger i feel just a minute ago?
nothing is ever easy to let go.
I'm just too stupid to think it's just nothing.
Now whats the point of crying hoping he comes home? I've made it all go.
what will it be like if i let it dragged on. will we still be the same?
what will it be like if i had choose to condone the wrongs? will it be better, or just making things worse?
I've lost all that we had and all that we gave. no i want you back so much,
but I know i have to be strong.
holding you back, I'm just making you painful,

2007-11-12T09:58:00.001-08:00

bliss. simplicity.
loves.
((((((((((((((((((((((((:

2007-11-11T22:58:00.000-08:00

Whats the one thing that pains you the most? who is the one to pain you with just one expression.
The man of my life.

still drowsy as she is, despite the hot bath to warm her soul.
she loves the morning,
the sun to shine,
and the rays of golden sparks.
in the bathroom she hears,
the man gong out of the door.
'i hope he's happy at work today' she asked for the heart to pray.

The deceleration of the lift feels like a hundred years.
the door opens and what welcomes her was the world so bright
she could hardly open that tired pairs of eyes.e
she could hear the birds, the leaves and the breeze.
everything so soothing to the ears
the sun feels so cosy.

snuggled up in her own arms
she hears a familiar rumbles of engines from behind.
It slowly glide down the slope and turn round the angel.
white metallic giant maneuvered by a man of age.
His face tells the story of loves, courage and perseverance.
he yawns. as he drove toward her.
in her eyes, the yawn triggered her tears.
a wave goodbye
a smile that heals all pains
was all she needed and wanted to give.
she had them all.

she smiled in the tears
calling out to the greatest force again to pray
for the man in her life
she loves till dies.

2007-11-08T01:48:00.000-08:00

I kept quiet because I don't know what can make it better.

I'm starting to feel like a loser some how in my life. whats with all these misses that I am tearing for in the middle of the night that you'll ever see. What's with all the tears that comes withthe song that totally just reminded the days of me and you. whats with siting in the middle of nowhere and start thinking,

I miss you, honey. why wont you come home.

how many texts i type in my phone wanting to send you. How many times i mumble missing you lots and hoping it flies to you. useless of the useless. i guess you don't even care. What were you doing when I wasn't there. Who were you missing when I wasn't there in your head. Who are you telling i miss you much. who are you telling i need you so.

I'm starting to hate sleeping, because i fear seeing your face when my eyes are closed.
): x 97568543210865

I hate to feel I upset Geok. but i really cant make the time to spare right now with projects and all tight in my arms.

Its scary somehow to know Adri and me are just so alike, in many ways. something new once and again, we cannot be asked the same thing more than twice; being it equates to testing our patience at your on risk.
I've made it clear to many I'm IMPATIENT. and to some closer ones,I'm not entertaining same question over and over again, or the same matter more than once. like, if you called me or text me, if i hadn't answer, obviously I'm not free or simply not in the mod to entertain anything else other than myself. what's wrong wit you people who do it over and over again thinking I had accidentally missed it( over and over again). Regardless i had actually hears the ring or not. or read the text. Does it even matter? I ain't gonna answer to them still.
On the contrary, It feels great because Adr and me has a lot to talk about it just justify the fact that we are cliquing like heaven made. Ain't it just beautiful to be with somebody who share similar thought and arguments as you?
IT DOES, to a very big extend.

2007-10-31T10:20:00.000-07:00

New shoppings! simply awesome. I am not bothered what you people says about it but i seriously loves them both. qingyi lugged them over for me and all i did was to lug them in from the corridor. great deal isnt it? ha. I'm really loving Qingyi to had got them for me.

I was so busy fooling around with them, especially my penguin water dispenser; i din bathe till all the excitements were over. I merely on the heater and claim to be just waiting for the water to heat and continue playing with the 'gadgets'. well, the other shopping should be able to be called a gadget. its a mickey mouse's mouse for cracknut. blue and with mickey's printing! best still, it shin with red lights when moved or touched. Its just to wonderful. So much for Qingyi to know what love.

Am falling in love.
with my shoppings. (:

PENGUIN WATER DISPENSER ON MY DESK!

MOUSE MOUSE! SHINING WITH RED LIGHTS!
YEAHNESS. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((:

2007-10-29T09:05:00.000-07:00

I read Adr's blog and see all her test results. curiosity got the hang of me and i decided to try them for myself too. here you go loves,
and especially to Adr, we do have much similarities, it seems. HA.

Your Life is Rated PG-13

Your life isn't totally scandalous, but you definitely don't shy away from adult themes!

What is Your Life Rated?

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.

You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.

You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.

You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.

You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.

People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.

But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

You Are An ENFJ

The Giver

You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.

Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.

Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.

You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.

In love, you are very protective and supporting.

However, you do need to "feel special" - and it's quite easy for you to get jealous.

At work, you are a natural leader. You can help people discover their greatest potential.

You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

How you see yourself: Trusting, idealistic, and expressive

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Bossy, inappropriate, and loud

What's Your Personality Type?

You Make a Great First Impression

You can handle almost any social situation with grace, even the tricky ones.

Strangers often find you charming and interesting. You are often remembered fondly.

Even if you're not naturally outgoing, you can make conversation with anyone if you need to.

Whether you were born this way or had to work to get here, you are definitely charismatic.

You're popular and well liked. People definitely look forward to being around you.

Your social connections bring you a full and rich life. You understand how important it is to make a lasting impression.

What Kind of First Impression Do You Make?

You Are 4% Cynical

Cynical? Not even close! If anything, you're a bit naive.

Overall, you enjoy life and try not to be paranoid. Even if you've been burned before.

How Cynical Are You?

Your Inner Muse is Euterpe

You are most like this muse of music.

While you may or may not be musical...

You love music and set life to your own personal soundtrack.

And you are good at making anyone's heart sing!

What Muse Are You?

You Follow Your Heart

You're romantic, sentimental, and emotional.

You tend to fall in (and out of) love very quickly.

Some may call you fickle, but you can't help where your emotions take you.

You've definitely broken a few hearts, but you're not a heartbreaker by nature.

Your intentions are always good, even if they change with the wind

Do You Follow Your Head or Your Heart?

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.

You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.

You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.

It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.

You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.

While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.

At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.

You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.

You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

What Brenda Means

B is for Bashful

R is for Revolutionary

E is for Enjoyable

N is for Nerdy

D is for Deadly

A is for Animated

What Does Your Name Mean?

2007-09-22T10:25:00.000-07:00

Pretty, oh pretty.
where have you been, what have you been doing? far away in that land, i cant see thy pretty.
a week and days, it feels so long. hesitating to text you; you wont see it too. and you say it costs 60cents for you. when are you coming home, is the moon round there too. i pray that you are save, calling for the wind to send my voice. when will i hear from you again next,
when will you be home?
pretty, oh pretty.and i miss you so.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((:

2007-09-16T00:43:00.001-07:00

met geok and yun last night after work. g c tan is a bastard; sje close her shop early to come find me. boss not in town also cannot like that huh. children shan't learn it her way. tsk tsk.

anyway, it was hui yun's birthday in the 14th. and in the end she decide dto walkt o cine from cuppage to meet us, happily thinking we have planned sth for her. but nah. we in at all. me and geok met simply just to eat and since i knew she was out somewhere in town too, we asked her to join. WE HAVEN'T SEEN HER FOR QUITE A LONG TIME D. >.<
we ate at esteller 77. and yun came to sit and watch us eat. nah. she don't want to eat, on he r own accord. LOL. and she was nagging 'so are you going to go home happiy after this tgt?' LOL that was really cute. we said we are okie to do anything with her so long she like sit. though i was ugly-ly dresse for work. lol. but in the end i gave in and say so long she wants it, i'll go along. since its her birthday. HA.I'm a good friend okie. (((((((((((: butin the end after that ( we were almost asked to leave. the staff approasche dthe table beside u first, and we cleverly got the hint and left too. HA. save face.)
they decde dto go marjiong, but wei hong was uncontactable last night so everything blew. poor yun, we went home happily after that.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NG HUI YUN
loves loves-

2007-09-08T03:39:00.000-07:00

08 September, Saturday

OH i feel so cheated, but happy after all. ((((((((: don thank me anymore Black, i ought to thank yo i guess.
YES. I'm NOT fond of Luo Zhi Xiang at all. and I never imagined i'll ever one day appear to want his signature at his event. and today i'm today it! Oh shit i feel so, uhh, off? i dont know what i sthe best word to use. moreover, i'll never do such things to any idol. i dont idolise anybody. ahhahhaha. im unfriendly. but for Hong wei's sake i was there. well, since i agreed ( though unknowing to the actual situation when i said okie) i would just go with him. i know he totally loves SHOW a lot. so long he's happy. I SAID I'M A GOOD FRIEND ((((((((((((((((((((((((((:

well, so now i have the autographed album by SHOW and i seriously dont know what to do with it. i'll sell it to you if any of you can offer a good price. (((((((((((((((:

Off stage, Hong wei wouldnt know, when he is all filled with emotions, jumping with joy and eyes filled with tears of happiness, a lot of thought are going through in my mind. He wouldn't know, he made me so happy too to see him this overjoyed. i can see his eyes turned red, tears oozed and blurred his eyes, no. he didn't cry, the tears didnt fall. But they were there. and its enough to show me his emotions. (: i can see how he would have hug a person in front of him and jump around. but he couldn't hug me. I don' know but i feel so happy seeing him later that. affectious huh i guess, made me happy too. because i came along with him an he got to see Luo Zhi Xiang, shoke his hand, and got his signature. even talked to him. he would not have turn up if i hadnt say i'll go, because he didnt want to go alone.

Hong wei : ' eh thanks you leh, really. if you were my gf, i would've have hug you, and for real long.'
bren: ' go ahead then if you want. im okie. i konw you are really filled with joy. '

(((((((((((: i just want to smile for a long time. its just that simple; to make someone happy and make yourself happy. its for the minute, for the hour, the whole day and a memory of the whole life. when i see him like like this just now, i was standing less than a cm away beside him, and less than 5cm in front of him. i can see and feel all his emotions. i know he's happy, and he made me feel so too, and i've already forgotten i was really tired today, or i don like Luo Zhi Xiang. At least i've changed his day. (:

i so love a friend like that. am really happy.

This is the freaky crowd over there, not that mny though compare to other events of his. for a firsttimer like me, its freaky enough. ha.

and so, i made hong wei take a shot with the CD. he insisted he don't wnat his face to be seen. so alright, so it shall be with the STAGE tee ( same as zhi xiang's)
HE IS A STALKER.
Previously he was complaining ow small is zhixiang's picture on the entire album, i couldn't get him since i hadn't got hold of the Cd yet. and viola. its really a good tiny whiny little picture at the bottom right hand corner. stare till the cow comes home, its not going toget any bigger. HAHAHA.

Hong wei is so excited and engrossed in zhi xiang; busy taking photo of him, totally ignorance to my existence, and there i am. staring into space bymyself. ((((((((((: i was wnjoying his happiness. Its relaly interesting to see him in teh overoye state. best laugh of the day man.

i tried to camwhore with the album after i got home. there you go. ((:
enjoyable day, all n all.

ehhh. im thinking if i can just copy and paste everything to hong wei's blog. i lazy type la. i'm still in sort of hong wei's pcture of zhixiang. that ass hasn't sent me.

2007-09-08T02:56:00.000-07:00

07 September, Friday.

how dare she call it a bastard day out! well. i think TAN GEOK CHING is angry because she miss me a good damn lot. woot! (((((((((((((((((((:
well, it was suppose to be a shopping day for 2 of us, so its obvious it gonna smack right into your head its all about crashing town, right. HEH. and somebody wants to collect her pay in Dhoby Ghaut, and of course i wont say no, to run the extra mile with her. (I'm a good friend. HO HO HO). alright, thats no the point. i hate to be offensive ( if i happens to be), but if you give some thoughts about it, you would realise that Plaza Singapura hasnt much to shop. well, maybe i should say it just doesnt carry as a big a range to shop for as compared to Orchard, considering the entire street from orchard to somerset. moreover, i believe she very much wants her pay to shop, so i said lets go dhoby first, grab the moolahs and then head down to town for her shopping. she agreed of course without hesitation. SO I DINT DELIBERATELY MAKE YOU WALK LA, YOU IDOT. hahahaahahahahahhaa.

and you weak. see i strong, i didn't complain at all. how are you going to go army like that? huh huh huh.
-random. =x

uhh, if you wants to know what exactly happens, so after the moolah, i suggested to walk ( i don know why), and geok said she gonna go far east. well, so we walk from Dhoby to far east which is almost newton, mean way passing somerset. after that we walked back to tangs, from there we wanted a place to sit and chill off. we were deciding which way to go; toward ngee Ann or towards Wheelock. Geok was the one to say go TCC in shaw so i followed.but we didnt know it closed that early and with hope, we headed Wheelock. BUT, everywhere full! so so so, from Wheelock we walked back to Wisma, and finally settled in Starbuck. well, with a not so comfy seats. but it doesnt matters anymore, we are too bushed. WE SERIOUSLY NEEED THE SIT AND THE DRINKS.

i gave up looking for An's bithday present. )):

LOVE YOU ADRIANA

2007-09-01T09:54:00.000-07:00

It wasn't a long day today, but had really been enjoyable. somehow it had made me real happy today. its really been a long time i feel such way; this free and carefree just being myself. and late night shopping till we really need to go. of course the best thing was, i was with Adriana! -GRIN. its like, umm, our first date? HAHAHHA. really. i ws this and so excited about it before this and really enjoyed every little bit. its really hard to find someone who shares same culture and perspective like i do. we met in the late noon, around a quarter pass 4, and do a little shopping from Cine to Heeren, to tangs, shaw then Wheelock. on the way looking for a good place to chill and rot away! ha. finally we settle in Cedele in Wheelock. the waiter was so attentive he knew we wanted a window seat! coolios man. -BEAMED. and of course we did get it. well, shameful that it wasn't a sofa seat we were hoping to have. aww.
Adriana had a main course set meal, with grilled chicken, soup of the day and a hot mint tea. on the other hand, i had pasta set meal with salmon alfredo; spaghetti, soup of the day and ice tea. we chose the same soup; clam chowder. and pls, LET ME TELL YOU, THEIR CLAM CHOWDER IS REALLY A MUST TRY. SUPERD CAM! -three cheers honey! (:
their free flow garlic bread is awesome too. we had so much serving! LOL. no. not embarrassed at all, we paid for it please, and it just goes to show they ha great food. so why not? HA. so yer, voila, we had so much bread with the soup we practically neglected our main course. and we din managed to finished them. after that we were really thinking of going back again, but for the soup. HA.
this is the interesting part, we ate an chilled and rot away in Cedele talking about a lot of stuffs, so much we spent a good 3 hrs or more in there without realising it! OMFG, but its really too damn awesome. we wouldnt not have thought of leaving at all if not we realise we still had shooping to do. we wanted to go gucci; both of us coincidentally wanted to get the similar gucci tote. however, to our disappointment, by the time we foot the bill and leave, its already a little past 9pm and after our toilet trip, then walking over to Ngee Ann an Paragon, all the boutiques closed! its so bad. why don they operates till a little later? like going along with teh late night shopping. as much as i understand big brand like them don need all these nonsense to boost sales. but still, JEEZ. i think they can really consider.

oh anyway, we walked to Ngee Ann first because 1. we happily forgotten Gucci is not in Ngee Ann but Paragon, 2. we wanted to look at Chanel too.

so with the dryness, we entertained Metro in Paragon. It says 70% off storewide. oh hello. 70%. STOREWIDE. but we remained skeptical about it. and when we wanted to turn back, we found ourselves already on the escalator up to the grand entrance of Metro, with a man standing proudly to greet us. so, we realised it's bad to turn and go back down in front of him, so we took a stroll, since Adriana said she's looking for cosmetics too anyway.
so we went and great, we were the only 2 ladies inthe entire cosmetics section! the en tire store was pretty quiet anyway too.

we decided shortly we should leave and go Centre point, Adriana wanted so we walked. Robinson was as dry. little shoppers. to our disappointment there's no Daniel Yam in Robinson. we were happily thinking it would have.LOL. we were WRONG. HA.

it was a shame we were enjoying so much we were clean forgotten about taking pictures! not even one. OWW. so, no pictures for now. Adriana gonna be busy next week so we made a pact we wll meet again the week after next. for now chilling-out, shopping and Gucci. YEAHNESS. then, we gonna take more more pictures. please await.
-BEAMED (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((:

tomorrow is the day. i really hope it all goes well without any hard feelings. i love boyfriend still. just that i really feel something is very wrong between us.
chantingaprayer
-cross fingers >.<