This is exactly how I had felt for that once when I was in Tuck Lee. Useless. Hopeless. Helpless. Utterly helpless. I feel like I am nothing but just a let down to people who trust me; who had trusted me that I can do this. But I don't screw up big time once and for all you see. I screw up at all the little smaller incidents, and they stack on top of one another, and it just build up. Like a string of math equations with scientific logics, from an atom to a molecule and then it is now, a matter.

I can't take care of myself, and make sure that I don't walk and fall. Let alone take care of somebody else. It's even worse you are nobody but just a colleague. I'm not your nanny. Or rather, to be specific, I'm actually the youngest here in this office, just because I take care of operation, it in no sense implies that I take care of you too, sweethearts.
I just can't stop feeling inadequate. I am feeling so lousy. I ain't cut out for this.

I am the best person you can easily swish swosh swing your fault and blame to.

You took your suitcase, and I took the blame.

I am not a person who will explain myself when maligned, unless you mean a hell lot like a loved ones. I don't believe in explaining when you never intend to believe me. If you would, you'd never even accuse blindly or make me take that rake. I thought if i'm nice unlimitedly, I'd be loved and less misunderstood. But sometimes I don't know where to stand.

You know what? I'm actually very very afraid of all of you. I quit believing that you ppl will believe in me.


I had an interestingly incredible magical past week, and a weekend. My emotions were put to it's best test. I got the best awesome encounter, then a disappointment, followed closely by a surge of mixed feelings, then came another tsunami of heartfelt love and then a kick start to a brand new week with the lowest low.

" you had this amazing force that keep attracting people towards you. You make people want to be with you."

" You are glowing. Your happiness amaze me. I can't help but to look at you, and go on looking at you. Your gleam is contagious. I caught it and I'm now drawn to you.'

Seriouslly, are you trying to punish me lord? had I made it so easy for people to walk in and out of my life? Or are you showing me that there are exactly people out there who see me and and princess in me. who is gonna love me just because in their eyes I'm special. So I can now gracefully let go of this anchor that pulling me down. I can forget about people who is letting me down?

So what now. I dance in the rain? and just go on praying I meet one after another everyday, or wait for one that stay? 'cos none of these people is gonna make it a long long stay. They arent gonna make stay for me. They go away. They come once and then leave. then nv come back. You get me?


I am but a princess inside, waiting and needing for a prince to come save me. I am a big girl now. but I am but a child inside. dying to be loved and protected. I need to know in bad times like this I have a man whom I can always run to. I can cry and wail at, or punch and kick at. I can let it out like an explosion after a quake. But after it all, he will always hold me close and say "hey honey, its over now. Look. I'm here. you are beautiful and nothing harms you. I'm gonna taking it down, okay." I need him. Yes I need.
I don't want to be independent. I don't want to learn how to survive. I just need a person who I can rely, and like my gfs, who will always have my back.

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale. It isn't hollywood; this is a small town.

I'm feeling the blues overdose, and happiness on ecstacy; high and no more then again in an evil cycle. I am not getting all emotional over nothing. i'm just having a bad times inside. A big big fight and struggle I had to find an avenue to share it away, in hope I can lighten my load.

I followed the voice you think you gave to me, but now I'm gonna find my own.
I'm wishing you hope and happiness. and above all these, I'm wishing you love. And I'll a;ways love you, Bronda.

;i am afraid